A Frying Pan to the Head
by Heaven'sKnight15
Summary: The slightly sane daughter of Yao and Ludwig goes to Forks, I think that pretty much speaks for it's self. No Sparkly Vampire was spared in the making of this. Warning, there is foul language used in this fanfiction.
1. Prologue

**Disclaimer: I don't own Hetalia or Twilight! If I did there wouldn't be such thing as Bella Sue- I mean Swan (whoops) but Hetalia would still be the same (it's just too awesome to change.) **

**HK15: okay everyone after looking through the crossovers I saw this really good story were the daughter of Russia and America going to Forks. Anyways I found that the story was completely amazing and I started to get an idea of my own version of it. I've been trying to branch out from my 'dark' and 'twisted' story's so I thought this would be a good start. A bit of comedy and crack never hurt anyone (not the real stuff though that shit will mess you up) I swear I'm not copying it (that pretty damn low) so I'll keep it straight, I'm not using America or Russia as my main character's parents (just make sure I'm not copying) My main character won't be like her main character so, please, no flames over that, I'm covering my bases. Hope you all like it! **

**Warning: Bella Swan does not exist in this story (i can't bring myself to do something so icky). This will contain pure and utter crack so, please, no flames on how this doesn't make any sense because neither does crack! You've been warn. **

* * *

><p>Have you ever thought about how you would die before? Like dying in the place of someone you love?<p>

Neither have I, aru.

Seriously people, who the hell thinks about dying at the age of seventeen?

Here I am spending some quality time with my awesome Papa, Onkel, and friends when I get this creeper phone call that vampire sparkly thing kidnapped my Mama.

Does he not know what can of whop ass he's just unleashed?

Anyways, after asking for the okay to go clean up the mess and possible post the scene on YouTube I set out for my old home of Phoenix.

With the recent absence of the veggie vamps I haven't had anyone to take my pent up stress out on so this human drinker should be fun to 'play with'.

You would think that a vampire that managed to snatch my Mama, which is a mystery in it's self, would know I never toke ballet.

What a dumbass.

After a bit of pleading from my friends, they decided that some hunting would be a fun little excursion, especially when that phone call interupted our epic game of Twister.

With our trusty rifle and wok, skillet, shot gun, nails of doom, saber, white flag, and hockey stick in hand it's time to kick some major ass.

Feast your eyes on the awesome daughter of Yao Wang and Ludwig Beilschmidt.

Let's play…..

* * *

><p><strong>Okay I'll give you a guest as to who Lily's Onkel is, he loves his awesome. Thanks for read but defiantly check out Twilight: APH Style, that's where this whole thing came about. REVIEW PLEASE! <strong>

**~Til next time! **


	2. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: I don't own Hetalia or Twilight! If I did there wouldn't be such thing as Bella Sue- I mean Swan (whoops) but Hetalia would still be the same (it's just too awesome to change.) The original idea for this story belongs to Phoenix- Fire Power so I'm not copying! **

**HK15: Hello my people I have awesome news! After working very hard I finally got my Algebra grade up (yay) and can finally breathe for once. **

**Warning: This will contain pure and utter crack so, please, no flames on how this doesn't make any sense because neither does crack! You've been warn. **

* * *

><p>"Lily, please, you don't have to go, aru." Mama insisted, fidgeting in front of the terminal.<p>

He's been like this ever since I finally broke the news that I was leaving but could you really blame him. Besides he's got Ivan and Little Tanya to look after, that and if I have to go another night of hearing those to two doing…. _it_ *shivers* I might just castrate someone and yes I know how to do that.

Yes, my mother's a dude.

Yes, he's gayer then a rainbow.

Yes, he carried me for eight months and gave birth to me.

Yes, I was premature and no I don't know how that works, though it may be something I might want to add to my bucket list. I've already completed 'break a cinderblock with my panda plushy' and 'sneak some of Ivan's vodka and live'.

Brushing a strand of silky soft brown hair out my eyes I gave him my 'Ludwig Stare', as he calls it.

"Really Mama its fine, besides it's not like I'm going to unleash anarchy or anything," not necessarily true but he doesn't need to know that, "besides I haven't seen Papa in ages, aru." I grinned encouragingly at him.

I may be excited to finally get out of here but that doesn't mean I'm not going to miss him and Ivan. He looked down at his red, traditional Chinese shirt, which was an exact replica of mine, and looked like he wanted to hit someone over the head with his frying pan.

Frowning slightly he pulled me into one of his famous hugs, "Alright, but remember to use the pan if someone dishonors the family name, aru." He whispered in my ear and I grinned.

Nothing's better than my Mama's hugs and his endearing death threats.

"_Flight 73 ready for departure." _

Seems like it's time to go, damn, time flies by.

Stepping out of my Mama's arms, I walked onto the platform but turned back and saluted him.

He seemed to tear up at that, another little quirk I got from Papa only he sometimes walks funny with his arm out.

Walking through the plane I eventually found my seat only to find it was next to the window.

Score!

The only suckish part was is that I'm stuck next to this man who wouldn't stop speaking in some alien language.

"Bloody hell mate, your quite a nice bird. Would you like a spot of tea and scones to warm your lovely soul?" Yep alien language right there, I thought as I took a swig of my beer- I mean my juice.

Upon sight of my 'juice' he gasped. "I dare say young lady, why are you washing your lovely soul with a pint of God's juice?" He then proceeded to swipe my beer- I mean…. damn it, juice and held it away from me.

No one touches my juice and lives to have children!

Grabbing my frying pan, the one Mama had given me as a going away present, and wacked him over the head.

Saving my juice, like a boss.

"That wasn't very nice, aru." I growled darkly.

He seemed dazed before he broke into a blood curtailing scream.

Now pissed that the alien speaking person wouldn't shut up, I grabbed him by the shoulder and started wacking him in the head with the pan with new vigor.

"Please no-"

"Have mercy-"

"Oh God help my poor little soul!"

"This," _Wack_, "is," _Wack_, "for," _Wack_, "my," _Wack, _"beer!"

_Wack! Wack! Wack! Wack! Bong! _

After a few more hits the rest of the ride was pleasantly quiet.

No one came down my isle or anything, some of the people even pleaded with the flight attendants to move someplace else.

Did someone fart and make this part of the plane smell?

Oh well, now I can enjoy a nice and quiet trip to my new home.

Checking my now blood covered watch I saw that I had a few more hours before I reached Washington so I decided to look back on life a little.

* * *

><p><em><strong>Epic Flash Back!<strong>_

"**Lily, where on Earth have you been and why do you smell like beer?" Mama questioned angrily. **

**Shrugging my shoulders I answered, "Bar fight." **

* * *

><p>"<strong>Lily, this Mommy's new boyfriend, William. Can you say hi?" Mama smiled excitedly. <strong>

**A tall man crouched down to my level and smiled at me. **

"**Hi there, Lily, it's nice to finally meet you-" **

"**You'll be the first to die and take off your shoes, I just cleaned there!" **

* * *

><p>"<strong>Lily, I would like for you to meet Mama's new boyfriend Ivan." Mama was a bit forceful with the introduction. <strong>

**An even taller man looked down on me with a sweet smile. **

"**Hello, malyutka*, it's nice to finally meet you, da." **

**Raising an eyebrow I smelt the familiar sent of vodka coming off his tan coat. **

"**You smell like my second favorite type booze, Mister." **

* * *

><p>"<strong>She's so weird and she, like, thinks she all that but really isn't-" <strong>

**A bleach blonde girl with a fake tan turned as pale as a ghost when she turned to see me right behind her. **

"**Nien! Nien! Nien! Nien! That is unacceptable, run ten laps around the school and if you some much as valk I vill punch you in the through!" I barked while waving broken beer bottle in my hand. **

* * *

><p>Hmm Onkel Kiku said I always spoke with a German accent when I'm either drunk or angry, I think that time I was both.<p>

Whatever, aru.

Looking down I saw the Iron Cross locket that Papa had given me the last time I saw him.

My silk shirt, combat boots, and iron cross are my own little trait mark.

Opening the little door I saw a picture of a tall, blonde haired man with a strike frown holding a tinny brown haired little girl with pastel blue eyes. Another man with silver hair and crimson eyes had bunny ears behind the blonde and the little brunette, who was trying to do the same to him but was too short.

I grinned fondly at the photo; my awesome Onkel and Papa were the best, even though Papa had a stick up his ass sometimes.

Onkel Gil would always joke about it and earn a smack to the head from Papa, saying that he was being a bad influence.

Good times, aru.

It wasn't much longer after that the plane finally landed. When I was walking through the terminal the huge sea of people parted with looks of pure, unparallel fear.

Was there a cosplayer in the vicinity, aru?

Shrugging, I went to the baggage claim and found my bags.

Walking out of the airport and onto the street I was tackled in a hug. Oh Shit!

Kneeing the offender in the crotch I screamed, "Bad touch!"

I then pulled my frying pan out from my silk shirt and held it at the ready.

"Try that again you hussy, I dare you!"

"L-lily, vhy do you always do that to your poor father?" The man gasped out, his voice cracked a little.

Looking closer at the man I saw that he has pale blonde hair that was slicked back, pale skin, and had the body of a body builder. Aw crap!

"Sorry Papa! I thought you were a rapist out for my vital regions, aru." I apologized while rubbing the back of neck with a sheepish smile.

Seems like those martial arts lessons have done wonders for kicking ass but I kicked the wrong one this time.

He grinned a little and got up from his former fetal position. Damn I must have hit him pretty hard.

"It's good to see you Mein Kleine*, you've gotten so big." He ruffled my hair, which now reached my waist. Grinning pulled him into my own hug and successfully didn't kick him in the manly area.

That's when a thought hit me.

"Papa, was I ever _that_ little, aru?"

"…"

"Don't answer that, aru."

After talking for a bit we finally got into his police cruiser and made our way to Forks. Who would have thunk my Papa would become a police chief. Believe me it's not that I'm not happy for him it's more of a surprise.

Papa has a very interesting way with discipline. He believes that the best way to keep order and control is to mercilessly beat the crap out of those who cause trouble. From what he told me through emails, and looking through the obituaries, he really has a hold on the crime and that's good enough for me.

We spent the rest of the drive making up for lost time. I told him about little Tanya, my half sister, and what life was like back in Phoenix. He admitted that he was surprised when I called about moving in with him and asked why.

The one thing I didn't want him to do!

"Uh, you really don't want to know, aru."

"Try me, I'm curious as to vhy you vould leave sunny Phoenix for cold and depressing Forks." He persisted with a grin. Okay I can't resist one of those oh-so- rare grins.

Taking a deep breath I began my very disturbing and _'you may want to skip this part if you hate graphic stuff' _tail of how I came to Forks.

* * *

><p><strong>It was a dark, cloudless night in city of Phoenix. The stars were twinkling over the skylines but that's not important right at the moment. <strong>

**In a neighborhood, not too far away from the city, stud a normal looking house on a normal looking street but something horrible was being committed. **

"_**Hm- Ivan!" **_**A small Chinese man moaned out in ecstasy, the sound of a bed being shaken could be heard through the entire house. **

**While Tanya was sound asleep in another part of the house the only other occupant wasn't. Shaking in her sheets she tried to block out the sounds of her MOTHER doing the nasty with her STEP FATHER. **

**Pulling her panda plushy close she closed her eyes in an attempt to block out the sound of- **

"_**~Ah!" **_ **A loud cry made the teen jump a foot in the air and on the not- so- forgiving floor. **

**THAT'S IT! **

**Picking up one of her many empty beer bottles she started chucking them at the offending wall. **

"**CAN YOU TWO BE ANY LOUDER? I'M TRYING TO GET SOME SLEEP HERE!" She yelled at the wall. It was mocking her. **

**Stomping over to her panda decorated phone she dialed her dad's number. **

"_**Beep… Beep… Hallo?" **_

"**Papa, its Lily, can I come stay with you?" **

* * *

><p>"Hmm I see vhy you didn't vant to talk about it." Papa shivered.<p>

While the narrator was explaining that creepy flashback he nearly ran over a deer, two bears, and an old woman that was walking randomly through the woods.

"Can we please never talk about that disturbing flashback ever again?" I mumbled into my panda plushy that I had pulled out halfway through the story.

The rest of the trip home was nice; we spend most of it talking about different types of beer.

"Ah, here ve are." He exclaimed.

I gave a happy chirp and jumped out the car, while it was still moving.

"Lily!" Papa stopped the cruiser and jumped out to see if I was hurt. "Vhat the hell vere you thinking!"

"Don't worry, I did a tuck and roll and Tia Shan broke my fall."

"But vhat vas the purpose of you jumping out of a moving car?"

"Because it's fun, aru!" I grinned. He face palmed and mumbled something about 'crazy child' and 'I see she got _buder's _commences'.

Oh well, at least I know how to jump out of a car when needed.

We eventually went into the house and found my new room. My God did I love it!

The walls were now a tea green color and my old toys and furniture were replaced with a bookshelf, a desk, and a new bed. The sheets had pandas all over them.

Did he really buy all this for me? If I haven't said this enough then I'll say it again, I've got the world's best Papa!

"Vhen you are done unpacking I vill show you your welcome home present."

"Really? You didn't have to-"

"Nonsense, you are my only child and you'll need this vhile you are here." He replied gruffly.

"O-okay, I can't wait to see it then, I bet it's amazing, aru!" That seemed to brighten his mood and he left me to put my things away.

* * *

><p><strong>Translations: <strong>

**Mein ****Kleine**: My Little One

**Malyutka: Little One **

**I got these from google translate so they may not be completely right. **

**Anyways I hope you liked this chapter. **

**REVIEWS PLEASE!**


	3. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer: I don't own Hetalia or Twilight! If I did there wouldn't be such thing as Bella Sue- I mean Swan (whoops) but Hetalia would still be the same (it's just too awesome to change.) The original idea for this story belongs to Phoenix- Fire Power so I'm not copying! **

**HK15: Hi guys. Sorry for the late update, school has really gotten in the way of writing and my brain is a bit fried from math (I cruse thy with Budsbies chair!) I hope you like this chapter, it's got panda and beer infused awesomeness! **

**Warning: This will contain pure and utter crack so, please, no flames on how this doesn't make any sense because neither does crack! You've been warn. **

* * *

><p>After taking about an hour to put all my crap away, and nearly fall out my very high window when I putting my panda plushies on my very high bed, I made my way down stairs to see the surprise.<p>

Papa seemed really excited about this one, I wonder what it is.

If it's a weapon of mass destruction I might have to hide it in the basement.

"Papa?" I called when I couldn't find him in the kitchen or the living room. Hmm, wonder where he is, aru.

I hugged my panda plushy when I debated whether or not I should go outside.

"Papa- EEEEEEEPPPPPPPPP! Predo!" I screamed when I felt someone touch me on the shoulder. Turing around, I started hitting the perv with my panda and started shouting in German.

"Mein Gott die Hölle weg von mir, dass du Creeper!"*

"Lily it's me!" Papa shouted over my yelling.

Pausing, I pulled back my panda and cocked my head to the side.

"L-lily how many times are you going to do that?" Papa deadpanned, not affected by my panda bashing.

You would think a panda plushy would be do a lot more damage, it usually works when Mama uses it on the scary dragon that pops us every now and then.

"Sorry Papa, but if you stop sneaking up on me then I wouldn't attack you, aru." I sweat dropped, hoping the innocent grin would work its magic.

I know he means well but I have a really bad record with being gentle though I look cute and cuddly.

Just ask James Rueski, may he rest in peace.

Personally I blame my height (I'm not short!), Mama often called me his Kawii Chibi.

Shaking his head he continued, "Right then, your present is outside." With that he walked out the door, waiting for me to fallow.

Skipping outside I was met with the sight of a huge dark green tank, it almost didn't fit on the driveway.

Oh my God, aru… "IT'S BEAUTIFUL!" I squealed and clobbered Papa in a hug, successfully knocking the air out of him. Yay for the small me!

"Thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you sooooooo much! This is awesome, aru!" I gushed as I ran over to metal behemoth. It looked as though you could stack three of me and still need more to reach the top.

I wonder if it blows anything up, aru?

"I'm glad you like it though I must varn you to be careful with the cannons." While he was talking about safety and what other awesome things were chucked inside this beautiful piece of weaponry I started climbing all over it.

Thanks to my slightly small (not _short!) _size I could navigate over the tank like a child on the playground only it was ten times funner.

"-und vhen you through the grenade you do so in a vay that is far enough away but close enough to see that it explodes- are you even listening?"

"Oooooohhhhhhh shiny~." I chirped but then saw a weird insignia on the side of my new form of transportation.

"Papa, are you sure it would be a good idea to have this on the tank?" I asked as I pointed to the red, white, and funnily shaped black sign.

He raised a blonde eyebrow but sighed anyways.

"I don't really see vhere the trouble vould be but I'll take it off anyway."

Hoping off the humungous tank I skipped over to him and hugged him. "This is one of the best presents I've ever gotten, aru. Thank you sooooooo much!" I was ginning for ear to ear. The praise brought a smile to his lips and he patted my head in an affectionate manner.

Oh the days I wish I was taller! Mama said the short factor made me cute but I didn't want to be cute. I want to be fearsome and scary, like Onkel Gil when he runs out of booze. Maybe if he rubs off some of his awesome I might grow taller?

"Good Meine Tochter*, I'm glad you like it. Just remember to use the cannons if someone trys to invade your vital-"

"EEEEEEEPPPPPP were's the creeper, aru?" I eminently jumped on Papa's shoulders and held on for dear life. Okay there's an advantage to being short, I can jump on Papa and not worry about throwing out his back but that's not important! I just hope the creeper will be too scared of Papa's scary face.

Never underestimate creepers; they're like Ivan and his vodka.

"Lily g-get down!" He barked in surprise and not being able to see.

"But there's a creeper out for my-"

"Nien there isn't a creeper-"

Before Papa could finish his rant the sound of screeching wheels could be heard throughout the overly quiet neighborhood. A cherry red Aston Martin came barreling down the street and came to a screeching halt next to my tank.

What the, aru?

"Burder!" Onkel Gil bellowed.

"Burder?" Papa asked in surprise.

"Onkel Gil, aru?" I half asked half squealed.

"Lily?" Gil questioned when he saw my shortness.

"Onkel Gil~!"

"Lily, get off of my shoulders!"

"Sorry, aru." I then bounced off of Papa's shoulders and ran over to my Onkel. The albion grinned and pulled me into a hug.

"It's good to see you, who've you been, aru?" I asked when he pulled himself out of my hugs of death.

"The awesome me is great. When did you get here, I though you live in Phoenix with Yoa?" One thing you should know about my Onkel is that he has a really high self stem and likes to use the word 'awesome' a lot.

Commonsense wise, I think I got most of that from him.

"I decided to move here and spend some time with Papa and I got here two hours ago, aru." I grinned, man I love Onkel Gil!

He and Onkel Kiku are my absolute favorites, Kiku because he helps me with my homework and he know where to get the best manga (the yaoi ones too).

Gil's like the crazy uncle that's always partying and drinking booze but still willing take a bullet for his own blood.

Thank God I'm his niece; I have a really bad record with guns and people with guns, and guns that have guns that hold themselves up while they shoot people.

Make any sense, aru?

"Burder I thought you weren't coming until summer."

"Oh, the awesome me came early to get everything set up before Mattie and my awesome kids get here." My eyes lit up at the word 'kids'.

"I've got cousins, aru?" I asked excitedly, finally I have cousins!

"Of course, my awesome must last for an eternity! So can I crash here, our house is being fumigated and my awesome wants to rub off on Lily?"

I think my eyes just exploded because of how big they got, after years I finally get to live with my awesome Onkel again! Fuck ya sparkle, sparkle, sparkle!

"Hmm I don't see vhy not but once your house is ready-"

"Ya ya I know don't get your panties in a bunch Vest." With that he sauntered into the house and left Papa and I, my eyes still recovering and Papa looking between annoyed and content. He may not admit but he really does love Onkel Gil.

"So… what's for dinner aru?"

* * *

><p><strong>Mien <strong>**Tochter****- My Daughter **

**Mein Gott****die Hölle****weg von****mir, dass du****Creeper**** -My****God****the****hell****away from****me you****Creeper**

**YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS I finished *cheers*. I want to thank GothKat2SlashFan for the support and the awesome idea I have now (you are freaking awesome!) Anyways I hope you all liked this chapter and that you all have a wonderful day. **

**Gut Tag! **


	4. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer: I don't own Hetalia or Twilight! If I did there wouldn't be such thing as Bella Sue- I mean Swan (whoops) but Hetalia would still be the same (it's just too awesome to change.) The original idea for this story belongs to Phoenix- Fire Power so I'm not copying! **

**HK15: Hi guys. Thank you so much for the reviews (sorry, I didn't know the proper word for China's pan I'll go back and fix that later). Your awesome reviews fuel the awesome that is me, a child of Prussia! (You could say I'm Italy and Prussia's love child XP) Anyways I just wanted to say thanks and now, on with the story! **

**P.S. **

**For future reference Lily may have a boyfriend and if you guys have any ideas that would be amazing and also for any other characters that may show up! **

**LOVE AND HEARTS! **

**Warning: This will contain pure and utter crack so, please, no flames on how this doesn't make any sense because neither does crack! You've been warn. **

* * *

><p><em>BEEP! BEEP! BEEP! <em>

Someone shut that thing up!

_BEEP! BEEP! BEEP! _

I'm serious, Papa make the monster thing shut up, aru!

_BEEP! BEEP! BEEP! _

BAHHHHHHHHH! DIE DIE DIE! STUPID PIECE OF RAWWWWWWW!

Looking over at the evil noise making thingy I saw that it was my panda alarm clock. Wait a minute; I don't remember setting it unless… man, Mama was right when he said Papa could be pure evil sometimes.

"Why, aru?" I mumbled as I sleepily rolled out of bed and onto the floor. Walking over to my dresser O picked out something to wear. Today was the first day of school so I decided to wear my favorite traditional green Chinese shirt and wool pants.

Eat it, cold weather of doom!

Deciding that my hair looked boring down I pulled it up into two buns with little pandas on the bands.

I grumbled some more as I walked down the stairs, if you couldn't tell already I'm not a morning person, but my mood brightened when I saw Onkel Gil asleep on the kitchen table.

And yes he was lying completely on the table, body and all.

"Onkel Gil, aru?" I asked when he started twitching and mumbling something about there not being enough booze.

Hmm, I hope he left some for me, getting through a day of school will take a few bottles.

No, I don't have an alcohol problem, I just like the way it tastes and drink it all the time and sometimes drink too much and start glooming the first person I see.

Okay maybe a little but that all!

"Hm, Lils, what are you doing up this early? My awesome vants to know." He mumbled out, he still looked really tired and like he had one too many beers.

I know the feeling, aru.

"I have school today and I also wanted to test drive the tank, aru." I chirped as I went looking for food.

When the tum tum's wants something you can't deny it. In my pursuit for nom noms I realized something was out of place.

"Onkel, where's Papa?"

"He left for vork this morning and said something about not drink all the beer vhile he's gone." Checking the fridge I quickly took the second to last bottle, knowing it would be gone in the next two minutes.

Gil picked himself up off the table and plopped himself on the floor with as much grace as a sack of potatoes. Sadly these potatoes weren't mashed.

Onkel is so strange sometimes.

Finally I found some eggs and bacon and got to work on breakfast. Knowing Onkel Gil he would probably go right back to sleep if he doesn't get his 'awesome' ten hours of sleep.

I envy his awesome sleeping abilities, one day they will be mine MUHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Speaking of awesomeness I wonder if Forks High is any good. From what Papa told me last night the people here can be pretty gossipy so I need to be careful not to blow anything up, and if I do blame it on some guy with the last name 'Cullen'.

American's have such strange names, aru.

"Onkel if you want hot food come an' get it, aru!" I called over to him as I started chowing on my own breakfast of amazingness. I could vagliy hear the sound of him dragging himself over to his chair and start wolfing down his food.

"So what- _munch_- are- _munch_- you- _munch- _doing today, aru?" I asked in between bites. Unlike him I wasn't stuffing my face quite as fast but I was still pretty damn close.

Hooray for not being lady like, aru!

He reclined in his chair and gave a slightly thoughtful sigh, but didn't recline too far; his awesome has its limits too. "Don't really know kiddo, my awesome can't decide."

"Do you think your awesome will rub off on me?" I asked randomly.

"It decides on its own."

Hmm, how do I make Onkel's awesome work its way over to me? How else will I take over the world if I don't have enough awesome?

"'Kay, I better get going! Please don't light the house on fire while I'm gone, aru!" I called but then remembered I didn't have a lunch and that I forgot Tia Shan. EEEEPPPP I can't forget her, she's the only thing keeping me from hurting people I don't like and killing scary dragons that pop out of nowhere!

Also having really bad experience with American food, it's yucky, and not wanting to drink beer on an empty stomach, I ran back into the house and went looking the fridge and found homemade chow main.

Is this Papa's way of saying sorry for setting the alarm, if so apology accepted. Thank God, it's still warm.

Putting the noodles in a foam container I threw it into my backpack, along with the beer (_never forget the beer_), and finally got into my tank.

It's just beautiful on the inside~ aru!

As I started to metal beast up I started to think how my first day of school would be. I'm fairly good in the academic department but as far as people skills go it's next to none.

Hope no one goes missing by the end of the day~!

Let's show these American's how we German's roll.

* * *

><p><strong>Blaaaaa sorry this one's so short! I just really needed to get something out there and show off Prussia's awesome (it was mentioned a lot in this chapter). I hope you all like it and, if you all don't mind, wish me luck on my math midterm on Wednesday, math's not my subject. <strong>

**I have a poll up for those who want to chose a paring and if you guys have any ideas PM me or review  
><strong>

**TANKS! Aru~**


	5. Chapter 4

**Disclaimer: I don't own Hetalia or Twilight! If I did there wouldn't be such thing as Bella Sue- I mean Swan (whoops) but Hetalia would still be the same (it's just too awesome to change.) The original idea for this story belongs to Phoenix- Fire Power so I'm not copying! **

**HK15: Hi guys, thank you sooooooooo much for the reviews and votes! For this chapter I decided to this chapter differently from others so heads up and if any of you want to vote for a paring for Lily I have a poll on my page. **

**So far this is where the votes stand: **

**US/UK- 1**

**Liet/Pol- 1 **

**ENJOY! **

**Warning: This will contain pure and utter crack so, please, no flames on how this doesn't make any sense because neither does crack! You've been warn. **

* * *

><p>Today was… <em>interesting<em>, aru. I can't really put my panda plushies on it but something about a _certain _someone made me want to use my cannons, and not in a good way, aru. Noramlly I'm good with people and make friends fairly easy, I got Mama's charisma, but this is an exception.

Who is this despicable being that could make the tiny me want blood more than usual.

The creature of diabolicalness' name is Edward Cullen, flammability and combustibility unknown.

Why this one person has made me go to the dark side where there is cookies, well I guess there's only way to tell you all.

Allow me to tell you the epically awesome tale of how I blew up Edtard Mullen's car, aru~!

* * *

><p><strong>Epic Story Time, aru~! (The Awesome Gilbert wuz here! Kesesese!) <strong>

* * *

><p>This randomness all started out as a normal day of going to school, besides the stray car or passerby that nearly got caught underneath the tank wheels.<p>

I would say I'm sorry but it's hard to when I can't really see in the first place, that and how can't you see a God knows how big tank coming down the street?

Beats the niens out of me, aru.

Forks was pretty different from Phoenix, especially with all the rain, but wasn't that bad. There were so many trees that if I accidently blow one of them up no one will notice, hopefully, aru.

Finding Forks High was easy to find but, with the parking lot being half full, I had to make my own space. Thank you red button that says 'don't touch.' The school was pretty small, which saying something when it coming for a tiny person, and my tank probably could have gone through two of the buildings and still have plenty of space.

Shutting off the motor I popped the hatch open and bounced out like a panda on a bamboo high. Surprisingly enough, or not, I was met with many horrified eyes that screamed in so many other words that it would practically raping a theories to describe.

In short they looked like the shit their pants.

Did someone fart again, aru?

I can most certainly tell you it wasn't me, aru.

Cocking my head at the stares I gave a small shrug before skipped off to the main office, Tia Shan and book bag in hand.

The weather wasn't too bad, compared to living with Ivan it was partially a sauna, so it felt nice.

Though it would be nice if the sun would come out maybe these people would stop looking so depressed and self loathing.

Pushing open the door to the office I greeted the random office lady that most defiantly won't be mentioned again.

Hell I don't even see a reason to describe her, aru.

"Guten Morgen, aru. I'm here for my time table."

The office lady looked up broadly and asked for my name, just as broadly. Man, she really needs some Chinese Tasty Treat; I don't carry these around for nothing.

"My name is Lily Beilschmidt, aru~." I chirped with a happy grin on my face.

Looking up again her face got so pale it almost turned purple, okay that was just confusing, and her eyes popped out of the sockets.

"EEEEEEEEPPPPPPPPP!" I practically screamed, not only did that define logic but also my stomach laws.

The lady looked over at me *shivers* and gave a freaky smile, mostly because of the blood that was coming out of where her eyes should be.

Why, aru, why?

"O-oh, y-your C-chief B-b-beilschm-midt's d-daughter, w-we've h-h-heard s-so m-m-m-much about y-you." She stuttered out as she tried to find her eyeballs, oh God I'm going to throw up- and she really needs to work on that stutter.

The last time I saw someone with a stutter like that was that time one of Mama's old boyfriends tried to invade my vital regions. I never saw the dude ever again and whenever I asked Mama about it he say that the man hand an 'accident.'

I now see where I got my violent streak from, aru?

"Okay can I please get my time table?" I asked as I used Tia Shan in my line of vision.

As much as I love my panda plushy I'd rather not see an eyeless person running around.

Feeling around for my papers she eventually gave me a rather crumpled up piece of paper that had blood stains on it.

Normally I wouldn't bother me but knowing the _exact _location of where it came from doesn't help!

Practically running out of the office I made my way back to my tank and decided to hid there for awhile, I don't want the eyeless lady coming after me, my smallness can't handle it!

Thankfully I had thirty more minutes before class started so I wouldn't have to see 'no eyes' lady again.

At least she's not like 'no nose' Voldemort, he really needs a nose!

_Beep Beep Beep _

What is it with all these alarms? As much as I wanted to destroy the noise maker thingy I couldn't because it had a chibi pandas on it, that and Onkel Kiku gave it to me.

"Sigh, I hope I don't see No Eyes Lady, aru, she's scary." I muttered as I reopen the hatch and jumped down from the tank and walked off to class. At least the first one was math so it would be a breeze.

I met Mr. Quinn and he thankfully and didn't make introduce myself, yay, and took my seat next to a girl with wavy brown hair.

I didn't have many friends back home so I thought I would be a good change to make some here.

"Hi, I'm Lily Beilschmidt what's your name, aru?" I was practically bouncing in my seat; maybe that secret stash of sugar was a bad idea.

She looked over at me with ruby red eyes, they almost looked like Onkel Gil's, and grinned back.

"Oh, nice to meet you, I'm Livvy Hedervary." She greeted back. In her hands was a copy of Gravitation, a very popular yaoi manga, and I nearly fell out of my seat. FINALLY!

"Wait is that what I think it is, aru?" I pointed to the manga.

She blushed a bit but nodded

"Ya, it's my mom's, she let me borrow it today- wait do you like yaoi too?"

"Yep aru~! My Onkel Kiku got me into it when I was little, aru. I have to say his stash is impressive, aru."

For the rest of class we talked about yaoi, family, yaoi, school, beer, yaoi that involves beer and more yaoi. Did I mention we talked about yaoi.

Apparently her mom was single and she didn't know who her dad was, I felt bad for, at least I have a relationship with mine.

"So what's it like back in Phoenix?"

"Really cold, ever since my Mama's husband moved in the tempter seemed to drop really low, aru. I think it even snowed once in our house, aru." She raised an eyebrow at that but I showed her the pictures on my phone.

Score one for the mini!

"Aw how cute!" She cooed at Tia Shan and started throwing her up in the air, which of course caught the attention of the teacher.

"Miss. Hedervary, Miss. Beilschmidt, do I have to separate you two? Pay attention." Out of nowhere Livvy pulled out a skillet and raided it threateningly in the air.

The teacher flinched.

"I don't think we were doing anything wrong." She said and grinned sweetly but you could tell it screamed all kinds of villainy and terror.

I think I found my new best friend.

* * *

><p>Livvy and I spent the rest of math talking, Mr. Quinn being too scared to do anything about it. After checking her schedule we found we had four classes together.<p>

In English my teacher tried to make me introduce myself. Did some just ask for a wacking?

After the disappearance of that teacher the rest of my classes were free of introductions and ran smoothly but I wouldn't really know, I was too busy reading yaoi to notice and cooing 'Kawii, Aru' every so often.

When lunch rolled around I went looking for Livvy and found her sitting with a boy that looked to be around our age.

Seeing this as the perfect opportunity to be a total ninja I swiftly dodged from lunch table to lunch table until I was one away from Livvy's.

Panada Cutie Powers Activate!

"Hello, aru~!" I chirped as I pounced my unsuspecting victim, only to get back handed with a skillet.

Why, aru, why?

Hear the pain?

"Oh, sorry Lils, my mom taught me to be careful of people that pounce you, especially French people." Her expression darkened at 'French people'.

Through I couldn't feel my face I couldn't help but wonder what the French had to do with this but I didn't question it.

That and I think I might have a broken jaw. This calls for some beer and chow main.

"Hehe sorry again, wait I want you to meet a friend of mine. This is Alfons Lorinaitis, Alfons this is Lily Beilschmidt, meet and greet."

The boy was taller than me, no surprise there, and had wavy shoulder length blonde hair. His eyes were a shade darker than mine and had this friendly look in them.

"Hello~, it's, like, totally nice to meet you Lily~! So, like, how are you liking Forks so far?"

"Nice to meet you too Alfons and Forks is nice, and very warm too, aru." I grinned happily and snuggled Tia Shan, how I love the warmth! I think I'm going to like Alfons.

He smiled back and we all spent the rest of lunch talking, apparently Alfons had two dads too. He had asked me how it worked but sadly I couldn't tell him but I told him if he ever finds out to tell me first, I must finish that bucket list!

Finally starting to suffer from 'juice' withdrawals I cracked open one of my beers and saw Livvy's eyes light up like a kid on Christmas Morning.

"Can I have one," she asked, practically twitching at the awesomeness in a bottle.

Looks like I found myself a drinking buddy.

Pulling out my second one I passed her the already open one and we started chugging down the liquid awesome. Did I mention that beer is awesome, if I haven't I will say it again and again and again and again.

You get the picture, aru.

"So, like, what you have next?" Alfons asked as he looked at my time table.

"I've got the unawesome Biology next, aru," I grumbled.

Though science was my favorite subject, it was fun making things go boom, but Biology wasn't the best part.

I can't make pretty fire out of animal intestines, but if someone knows how please tell me.

"Hey Lils, Edtard Mullen is staring at you." Livvy whispered in my ear. Turning in the direction she pointed to I saw a group teens.

They all had very pale skin, amber eyes, and ultra thin bodies. All they did from where I could see was play with their food and look bored.

Are they anorexic, aur, even the small me eats more than that!

There were two blonds, the boys had a slight curl to it and was lighter than Alfons and girl whose hair almost looked bleach. What is it with Americans and bleaching their hair?

Then there was a very petit girl that, oh God, I'm taller than! I think God's on my side this time!

Alright, deep breaths Lily, back to the pale people.

Next to the girl I'm taller than *giggles* was a hulk like boy with dark curly hair. How is that all American's are so big, not even Onkel Gil's that big- wait… that sounded perverted. Man all this yaoi has finally turned against me, aru.

The last, and least, was a brick hair boy- no girl, wait… I don't know but I think the name Edtard means it's a boy.

Like Livvy said he was staring at me weird and almost looked constipated but beneath all that most likely clogged upness was hunger.

Is he French or something, aru?

_RIIIIIIINNNNNNNGGGGG! _

DIE LOUD NOISE DIE!

…. After breaking the bell the three of us went our separate ways. We all exchanged numbers and promised to call each other later and talk parings for the next upcoming animes.

Walking into the classroom everyone was talking off their jackets and coats but I kept mine on, I could never part with mine, it's the chibi version of Papa's, and went to the teacher.

"Ah you must be Lily, please take a seat over there and I'll give you a packet of makeup work." Makeup work, he does realize who he's taking to? Maybe I can use my panda powers to make him not give me work and let me read all the yaoi I want.

Nah, I'll be nice this time.

I sat down in my seat and waited for the evil bell of doom to ring. Thanks to my short attention span I got bored quickly and started drawing rip off versions of Hello Kitty.

I'm sorry but she really needs a mouth!

That's when _it _can through the door.

My predo sense were tingling and screaming for me to use my wok but I didn't; only if he dishonors the family name- oh my God he gave me the freaky look again and is he… smelling me? Did he just try to touch my face and- That the worse kind of dishonorment ever! I quickly slapped away his hand and bitched slapped him, which seemed to keep him at bay, for now.

Okay this calls for some serious revenge tactics and I know just how to use them. No one gets away with touching me without the green light for yes.

I waited impatiently for the bell to ring, for once, so that I could make brick head suffer. No one sniffs me and gets away with it. I may be small and adorable but that doesn't mean I'm something I you pick up snuggle. That's what pandas are for!

DIE BELL DDDDIIIIIIEEEEE!

Oh, class is over, time to play, aru~.

Edtard was the first one out the door and I was fallowing not far behind, a freaking smile playing on my lips. The one thing I learned Ivan is to never show the enemy the real emotions your feeling, it's a dead giveaway.

* * *

><p><em>Wack Bang Wack Bong Wack Blong Wack <em>and _Wacka Bong! _

The other student body twitched as they watched me with horrified expressions. Finding Cullen Boys car was easy and turning it into dust was just as easy but I wanted to use my new grenade on it before I left, I'm just waiting for the right moment.

I'm fairly surprise no one's stopped me from destroying the predo's car; you would figure someone like him would have a few groupies wanting to help him out. Seems not, aru.

"Oh my God! What have you done!" The bleach blond screeched with a look that screamed 'you're going to effing die girl'. For someone so tall she's not very intimidating, and that's coming form that small me.

Americans need to work on their scare tactics; they fail as of late, aru.

Putting on my sugariest smile I could muster I chirped back, "Your burder has dishonored me and my family and must suffer the consequences, aru." The big one came over and was about to make a grab for my wok when he got hit upside the head with a very familiar skillet.

"Livvy, aru?"

"Can I join?"

"Like, me too."

"Sure the more the merrier, aru~!" With that the three of us hit the Volvo a couple more times before I opened the engine and 'accidently' dropped the active grenade in.

Time to go!

"Hit the deck, aru! Bye Livvy, Alfons, see you all tomorrow!" With that we all ran to our cars, and tank, and got the hell out of there.

* * *

><p><strong>End of Epic Flash Back (The Awesome Gilbert was Still Here!) <strong>

* * *

><p>"Onkel Gil, I'm home, aru!" I shouted as I burst though the front door. The house was abnormally loud so that meant Papa wasn't home yet.<p>

Gil came bounding up from the basement with his mouth stuffed with food and his hair was more ruffled up than usual. Has he been eating all day?

"Lily, how vas your day. The awesome me had an amazing day of doing nothing!"

"Ahh where do I start, aru?"

* * *

><p>…<strong>. And I added Lithuania and Poland's son XD. Finally it's dooooonnnnnneeee! This one was surprisingly tricky (I wanted it to be long but too long) but it's finished anyways. Thanks to <strong>**GothKat2SlashFan**** for the Pru/Hun idea (you were dutifully added) and for the support. I haven't gotten my test score back but I hope I did well. The next chapter will feature Prussia and Canada's bambinos (there so freaking kawii!) **

**Hope you all have an amazing day, aru! **

**I SPY A TANK WITH PANDAS ON IT! **


	6. Chapter 5

**Disclaimer: I don't own Hetalia or Twilight! If I did there wouldn't be such thing as Bella Sue- I mean Swan (whoops) but Hetalia would still be the same (it's just too awesome to change.) The original idea for this story belongs to Phoenix- Fire Power so I'm not copying! **

**HK15: Hi guys, thank you sooooooooo much for the reviews and votes! Ugh, I got back my test score and I didn't do so well but my grade is still passing (Yay I don't have to repeat freshmen year). Anyways this chapter will have Canada and his little babies of cuteness (Okay two of them is a teenager but the other ones are still babies in my eyes). I also added the part from the original fict. were Doctor Sparkles calls Ivan but I added my own little 'father daughter' moment. Hope you all enjoy this chapter. **

**So far this is where the votes stand: **

**US/UK- 2**

**Liet/Pol- 1 **

**Thank you by the way to those that voted, they were very much appreciated in all their awesomeness! **

**ENJOY! **

**Warning: This will contain pure and utter crack so, please, no flames on how this doesn't make any sense because neither does crack! You've been warn. **

* * *

><p>It was a normal day being the Chief of Police for Ludwig. Surprisingly enough everything was rather calm and quiet, a little too quiet, but that was alright with him. Having his brother at home made it nearly impossible for peace.<p>

_Ring Ring Ring _

Odd, he didn't usually get calls this time of day.

"Hallo, Chief Beilschmidt."

"Ah, Ludwig." The German raised an eyebrow and gave an annoyed huff, oh God not him again.

"Vhat can I do for you Carlisle?" More like how can I best roast you, he thought to himself. Those damned sparkly fairies were always in his business, he doesn't even want to remember the first time Gilbert visited him here. The Cullens wouldn't stop bugging him on how he was unnatural, unnatural his ass.

One of these days he's going to blow them all sky high.

"I'm not entirely sure how this happened but it seems as though your daughter and my children met today."

"Und this is important how?" Ludwig's patience was starting to run low, it's too late in the afternoon for this crap!

"Your daughter blew up my son's car this afternoon." Ludwig emediently stopped doing his paperwork at that and it take _a lot _for Ludwig to not do his paperwork. He pulled out a sticky note and started to write down 'buy Lily a rifle with a scope', a large grin playing his pale lips.

"Must I repeat myself, vhy is this important?"

"I want to know how you will punish her, she destroyed valuable property and-"

"Lily had a good reason I'm sure. Your son doesn't exactly know of a little thing called 'personal space.'"

"Regardless I want to know how you wil-"

"Cullen, I let you und your cult of sparkly fairies live here out of pure kindness of my heart," he spat the last part, "but vhere my child is concerned I vill make no exceptions. If I hear he's done anything to her I promise none of your sparkles vill be spared."

"I… understand."

"Gute, never call this number again." Ludwig hung up the phone and went back to his paperwork. He knew his daughter would be alright, she's got him, Gilbert, and her Mama to watch out for her.

He smiled at that, though his and Yao are no longer together he could never hate the Asian man. He gave him his little flower.

His Lily.

_Ring Ring Ring _

Hmm, what a record, he hasn't been called this much since that one time Lily and Gil had a drinking contest.

"Hallo-"

"Burder come home, NOW!"

* * *

><p>"Vait a minute, that unawesome prick vas <em>smelling<em> and _touching_ you?" Onkel growled out, he actually broke several of his beer bottles from gripping them too hard so now the kitchen table is covered in beer.

I think I'm going to need a straw, aru.

"Yep, aur, but don't worry I blew up his car and bitch slapped him so I don't think I'll half to worry about him for awhile, aru."

"No he, he, GAH vhere does that little brat live? Give me the awesome tank keys I need to take care of something." Gil made a grab for my keys but I snatched them before he could.

"Onkel I'm okay, I think he gets the message and if he doesn't then I'll use my canons-"

"No Lils, he tried to touch you and as your awesome Onkel I can't allow his unawesomeness to live, now hand me the keys so I can burn that-"

"Burder, Lily?"

"Papa?"

"Vhat happened; you called me in a panic?"

"Cullen's boy _touched_ Lily and was _smelling_ her like a piece of awesome wrust." Gil growled as he pointed to me.

Papa's face turned a deathly shade of red and he looked like he was about to blow up. Holly Flying Pandas!

"He VHAT!" He roared on the top of his lungs which, of course, made me hide behind Onkel Gil. Papa's scary when he's genuinely mad, aru.

"You heard my awesome, that piece of unawesome shit was touching her awesome and now I'm going to awesomely blow his unawesome ass up." I quickly jumped on Gil's back and tackled him to the ground with my shortness before he could make it to the door.

"Nien that's my job, aru. Onkel, he won't bother me anymore and if he does I got my cannons and sock booms." I persisted. It's not that I like Cullen, I want to turn him into wrust and feed him to the scary green dragon as offerings, but I don't want Onkel to get in trouble for something that I can handle and get away with.

No one can resist my cuteness, aru.

My shortness was able to subdue him long enough for the both of them to calm down, but they were still pissed.

Maybe I should give them some Chinese Taste Treat, aru.

* * *

><p>"So, how was your day, aru?" I asked Papa curiously. After everyone got their shit together I made some wrust and got everyone beer. I'm kind of surprise we haven't ran out yet and no I'm not an alcoholic… okay that <em>bad <em>of an alcoholic but you get my point, aru.

"It vas alright but that verdammt Cullen called me at vork," he reclined in his seat a little, "und vas spouting that you blow up his children's car-"

"Oh yeah about that I think I might need some more grenades and maybe some of those chlorine disks that are used for pools, aru."

"My awesome vants to know vhat your doing vith those chlorine disks." Onkel seemed a bit uneasy; I think he's still a bit sore about that time I blew up the neighborhood pool when I got into the chemicals.

It's not my fault they were prettifully colored, aru!

Plopping my small legs on the table I gave a few more big chugs on my beer before answering. "How do you think I make my sock booms, aru? That stuffs pretty damn powerful if you light it on fire, aru." I giggled at the last part, ah fires so pretty!

Papa raised an eyebrow at me while Onkel started cackling, "The awesome me feels bad for the poor sap you marry, Kesesese."

I stiffened in my seat at the word 'marry' and eminently went into the kitchen. Getting married is the last thing on my priority list, the bucket list comes first, and I'd rather not get tided down to some loser that would probably drink all my beer. That and boys are icky, aru!

"Sorry to burst your bubble of bubbliness but I'm not getting married anytime soon, aru." I said as I went riffling through the fridge like a panda looking for bamboo, I needs more beer!

"But my awesome vants little grandnieces and nephews," Gil whined and made a grab for two other bottles I had when I came back into the dining room. Sadly he was able to get one because of my shortness.

One of these day damn it I will be taller than all of you, aru!

"Can't you still have little grandbabies from your own children, aru?" I huffed as I plopped back down in my own seat but that's when a thought hit me.

"Oh I think I forgot to mention I made some friends today, aru." I grinned happily. Papa seemed to perk up at the good news; at least my first day wasn't too bad.

"Really? That's great Lils, vhat are their names?" Papa asked curiously. They both seemed genuinely happy about me making friends my first day. Man I got a great family, even when they use their height against my shortness and steal my beer.

"Livvy Hedervary and Alfons Lorinaitis, their both juniors and we have most of our classes together, aru."

"Hm, Hendervary sounds familiar somehow. Ah, vho cares but the last name Lorinaitis really rings a bell." Onkel Gil made a face at the name 'Hendervary'.

"If it helps he has two dads too, aru. I think their names are Toris and Felix but I'm not a hundred percent sure, aru. But I'm curious, how does that-"

"Cant' tell you!" They both shouted at the same time, a small bit of blush crossed Papa's cheeks and Onkel looked really uncomfortable.

Damn it, not again, aru!

"Fine, aru. Be the people that kept me from completing my bucket list before I go up to be with the other pandas in the sky, aru." I mopped sadly; all I wanted was to know how the small me came into the world. With that I headed up stairs for some shut eye, that and I needed to do some research on Mpregs seeing as how SOME PEOPLE won't tell me.

Men, aru, I'll never understand them… aru.

* * *

><p><strong>Panda Powers! Fast Forward, aru!<strong>

* * *

><p>These past few weeks have been awesome, aru~! Edward Cullen hasn't been at school for almost a month and within that time Livvy, me, and Alfons have gotten closer.<p>

We are now officially friends. I asked Onkel Gil if we could call ourselves the Bad Touch Trio but he promptly took away my secret stash of beer away from me for a whole week saying that 'your awesome that is not as awesome as me has not reached its full potential'.

I'm still going through withdrawals, aru.

I've also gotten plenty of emails from Mama, telling him how I've been, asking him how little Tanya is, what my grades are, how I used the wok for the greater good, blowing up the unawesome –stupid- head's car, and drinking so much beer that I don't remember half my week.

Yeah, that was kind of weird, aru.

Anyways, Onkel had said that his husband Mathew and kids were coming over and that he has to move out of the basement. I'm ecstatic about meeting my extended family but I'm going to miss Gil being around, but I won't miss the part where he kept stealing my beer, aru.

He still owes at least twenty bottles but whose counting, me of course, aru!

_Ding Dong _

SOMEONE MAKE THAT FREAKING NOISE- oh they're here.

I got up from my laptop and skipped down the stairs and opened the door.

Before you ask I was not looking up yaoi or any smexy men doing the nasty with other men… don't be giving the small me that look, I'm as innocent as a baby panda, aru!

A man with caramel blonde hair with a strange curl and indigo eyes stood there. He had oval glasses and a shy smile. In his arms was a little blue bundle with little yellow chicks all over it.

It was my Tante Mattie!

"Tante Mattie, aru!" I was about to tackle him in a hug when I remembered the baby and froze mid air. Next to baby pandas, babies and little kids are my alkalis heel.

He giggled at that.

"It's good to see you again Lily, you've gotten so big since I last saw you." Mattie grinned and that's when I saw three other kids behind him, one was even clinging to his pants. "Oh, whoops, come on in, aru! Don't want you all to freeze to death, aru." I chirped as I lead the four into the family room and asked if they needed anything.

"Thanks but no thanks, the awesome me doesn't need anything." The eldest of the four grinned. He was a boy around my age with silver hair and ruby red eyes, just like Gil. He was practically his mini me and acted like him too.

Next to him was a girl who was about four inches taller than me with caramel colored hair and blue eyes.

They are defiantly my Onkel's children, aru.

"Oh, whoops, man am I on a roll today, my name is Lily, aru. What's yours, aru?" I asked enthusiastically.

The boy's eyes widened and he looked like he was having an epileptic seizure, whatever that is, before gasping out. "You don't know of the awesomeness that is my name! The awesome that is my name is Fritz, Kesesese." Yep definably my Onkel's son.

The girl glared at her brother before giving me a smile. "Sorry about him, he loves flaunting his awesome, my names Madelyn but everyone calls me Maddie… and I'm awesome." Maddie seemed really nice; she must have gotten that from Tante Mattie, and almost reminded me of Livvy. The only difference is Liv can have a really bad violence streak at times. But of course the small me doesn't have a violence streak what's so ever, especially not when I was on a plane and an alien speaking man disappeared.

Did I mention I'm not violent, aru?

"Hi." A soft voice whispered. Looking down I saw a small girl with silver hair and big indigo eyes stare back at me curiously. Perched on her tiny nose were a pair of oval shaped glasses and in her arms was a stuffed polar bear. She's so freaking kawii, aru! MUST GLOMP!

"Hello there, who might you be cutie, aru?" I asked sweetly, ah how I love kids, aru! It's been a bit lonely without little Tanya so this little chibi will be nice to have around. It's not that I'm trying to replace her or anything, no one could ever replace Tanya, but it would be nice having someone's hair to braid or play with, aru.

"My name is Fille and I like polar bears, maple." She murmured quietly. Seems like she got Tante's shyness and that little quirk of saying maple at the end of his sentences, because I most certainly don't do that, aru~.

"Nice to meet you Fille, aru~! You remind me of my own little sister back in Phoenix." I smiled kindly at her and she gave me a small grin but promptly hid behind Fritz. Aw, I hope she doesn't stay shy forever, aru.

Remembering there was a baby in the room, or maybe it my baby – dar I looked over at the blue bundle. "And who might this bundle of kawii be, aru?" I cooed to the little baby boy in my Tante's arms. Tante Mattie smiled softly and held the cutie pie up for me to see.

"His name is Diederich, as you can see he got a bit of your dad in him." He smiled sweetly at the tiny baby. Diederich was fairly small with dark blond hair like Papa's and big ruby eyes like Gil. He got the best of both I'd say, aru.

"Aw, so kawii, aru! Can I hold him, aru?" I asked and held out my arms. MUST HOLD THE BABY!

Tante seemed a bit hesitant but when I gave him the baby panda eyes he couldn't resist. "Alright, just be careful he's not that old." He cautioned me before handing me Diederich.

"Not to worry, I have practice from taking care of Tanya, aru." I muttered back as I held the little blond in my arms. He's so tiny, aru~!

Maybe I might reconsider the whole marriage thing if it means I can have my own little bundle of kawii.

"Hello there, aru. I'm your big cousin Lily, aru." The little boy looked up at me with big, curious red eyes. He looked curious, either about my height or why I smell like his Papa, I don't know. Diederich started to coo happily and pulled on my pony tail. Okay, that hurt!

"Damn this kid's got a grip, aru." I chuckled through the pain.

Tante Mattie seemed to ketch on and offered to take back my little cousin, which my hair didn't mind. "Ah, yes he got that from his Uncle Alred. Didn't Diederich you got your oncle's freaky strength~!" Dieder giggled and started pulling on Tante's glasses.

"So how do you guys like Forks so far, aru?" I asked the five.

Maddie looked up from a random magazine that was on the table and shrugged, "It's alright, a bit warm compared to Canada but alright."

"This place can't handle my awesome but it will due until I find a way to make my awesome public!" Fritz rambled. Man he really likes his awesome, aru.

"I miss the polar bears but I guess I can find some later, maple. Kuroku needs friends otherwise he'll get lonely."

"It will be nice having family around for help, taking care of you four is hard enough." Fritz and Maddie shot Tante looks while Fille continued stroking her stuffed bear and murmuring 'maple' randomly. Diederich, of course, gurgled happily when he saw the ceiling fan.

"Hey Maddie what school are you and Fritz going to, aru?"

"Well, since this slightly awesome place only has one high school me and the not as awesome Maddie are going to Forks High."

Maddie shot Fritz an annoyed look and poked in the shoulder. "Hey I'm ten times more awesome then you, Daddy told me so."

"Please, your awesome is nothing compared to the awesome that is my awesome!" Damn that was confusing, aru.

"Man, you two really like your awesome, aru." I said randomly. The two of them shrugged their shoulders in unison before asking what grade I was in.

"Oh I'm a junior and so are so friends, I know for a fact you guys would like them, aru." Fritz made a chocking noise that could have been compared to a panda going through bamboo withdrawls before shouting, "You're a junior, but you're so tiny and small and-"

"NIEN NIEN NIE NIEN NIEN, THAT IS UNEXCEPTABLE, ARU! I ORDER YOU TO RUN SIX LAPS AROUND THIS HOUSE AND IF YOU FAIL TO DO SO I'LL HAVE NO CHOISE BUT TO PUNCH YOU IN THE THROUGHT, ARU!"

* * *

><p>… that evening was <em>weird, <em>aru. Fritz ended running around the front yard because I wouldn't stop chasing him. Note to self people, never call me tiny, I'm the only one that is allowed to call myself small and that's only in dictations.

Fritz learned that quickly, hehehe, but the rest of the evening was nice. Onkel and Papa came home later that evening and pretty much dead paned when they saw me chasing Fritz and Maddie laughing her ass off. After my little 'episode' I got to know Maddie a bit more and learned that she really likes beer if not more than me, which is saying something, aru.

She also told me she was turning seventeen along with Fritz, they're twins, and that their juniors too. Yay, I might have some classes with them!

Tante had offer for me to come over after school today so that I could see their house and possible get a babysitting gig with Fille and Diederich. Yay, I loves the babies, aru~!

Sadly the weekend had to end so I was back at school but at least I had two awesome family members there to make it fun.

"Come on you two I don't have all day," little did they know I do have all day, "I don't want to be late, aru!" I shouted up stairs. Last night the three of us had a sleep over, Maddie and I made Fritz sleep on the floor, so they were commuting with me. That and Fritz wanted to check out my tank.

I hope he doesn't use the cannons when I'm not watching, aru.

"We're comin' we're comin'! Gees, your worse than Mom on her bad days," Fritz whined as he descended the stairs with a chipper Maddie on his heels.

He was wearing a pair of black jeans, black converse, and a white shirt that said 'Prussia wuz here' with a little yellow bird on it. All in all he didn't look half bad, hope Alfons doesn't get all weird on him, aru.

"So, are we going in the tank or your dad's cruiser?" Maddie asked. She was wearing a white tee with a maple leaf on it that said 'Canada Exists, Man', grey jeans, and white converse with red maple leafs.

Yeah, in the words of my Onkel, they look awesome.

"Defiantly the tank, aru, otherwise we'll never get a spot and just in case someone tries to invade our vital regions, aru!"

Fritz raised an eyebrow and Maddie looked a bit worried but when they saw the tank, and my not so secret stash of sock booms, they didn't seem to worried or eyebrow- raisingish.

Popping the hatch the three of us jumped in, or in my case dropped in, and started the beast up. I really need to name this thing, aru.

"I think I have found something that is almost as awesome as I." Fritz mumbled as he looked around. Maddie nodded in agreement while I drove, this time I successfully avoided hitting some random person. Brownie points for me!

"Man, your dad actually gave you this." She stared in awe.

I nodded with a grin.

"Yeah, he wanted to make sure no one would try anything funny and he just needed someone to use it, aru."

"Why can't mom give us something as awesome yet not as awesome as me as this, it's get freaking cannons and I need something to show the world how freaking awesome I am." Fritz gave a fist punch in the air with a look that only a concurring nation could have after kicking a very musical nation's ass.

Does anyone know of such a nations, aru? If so please tell me.

"Hey, is that Forks High?" Maddie asked. Whoops almost missed the turn!

"Yeah, thanks for telling me, I almost missed the turn, aru." I chuckled nervously as I plowed the other cars out of the way. I think I ran over a red coverable but who cares, I most certainly don't.

"Alright, we are here, aru~!" I chirped as I popped the hatch and threw myself out and onto the asphalt. Thank you Tia Shan for your cushioning goodness.

* * *

><p><strong>Thank you Tia Shan for your service in saving small people from impending doom, you will never be forgotten (just kidding)! I'm on a roll, my updating times have gotten much faster as of late, and I hope you guys enjoyed the chapter. On my laptop it's almost eleven pages worth and, oh my God, I can't believe I finished this so quickly. I honestly thought this would take me Easter Break and another week after that (as you can tell I don't have too much faith in myself) but, really, those reviews made my week (my burder said I was practically dancing from excitement). Thank you once again to GothKat2SlashFan for the awesome support (that review was Prussia approved). If you guys want any other charactes kids showing up just review or PM me. <strong>

**German Translations: **

**Tante- Aunt **

**Onkel- Uncle **

**SUPER FIGHTING PANDAS!**


	7. Chapter 6

**Disclaimer: I don't own Hetalia or Twilight! If I did there wouldn't be such thing as Bella Sue- I mean Swan (whoops) but Hetalia would still be the same (it's just too awesome to change.) The original idea for this story belongs to Phoenix- Fire Power so I'm not copying! **

**HK15: Hi guys, thank you sooooooooo much for the reviews! Those have officially made my entire week! Anyways for this chapter I've re- added Eddykins *shields self from flying cabbage* but I had to in order to keep with the original fic. But have no fear he will suffer at the hands of pandas and beer (the best combination!) under the request of one of my views I will be added another 'country love child' but this is what they suggested so far and what I just thought of adding: **

**SuFin **

**DenNor **

**SanMano **

**(PolLet is already there *sorry*) **

**So if you guys want to vote just review and I can incorporate them no problem. Also I got inspired by another person's fic. (A Five Pointed Star of Chaos, check it out dudes) to give Maddie her very own hockey stick as for Fritz and Alfons… his awesome is enough and Alfons uses his manicured nails as weapons (they're deadly man, watch out). **

**So far this is where the votes stand for Lily's future boyfriend: **

**US/UK- 2**

**Liet/Pol- 1 **

**Thank you by the way to those that voted, they were very much appreciated in all their awesomeness! **

**ENJOY! **

**Warning: This will contain pure and utter crack so, please, no flames on how this doesn't make any sense because neither does crack! You've been warn. **

* * *

><p>"Lily!" Livvy called across the parking lot and waved the three of us over. Alfons looked up from his fashion magazine and gave a bored wave. Him and his magazines, never rip one or else its sudden death by… panda?<p>

He never really specified that one, aru.

"Livvy, aru! Guten Morgen Alfons, aru. I want you guys to meet my cousins, they just moved here this weekend, aru."

"Hi I'm Maddie nice to meet you… awesome."

"The awesome that is I is Fritz Beilschmidt, bow before me and cry!" Fritz declared like he had just won a life time supplies of beer.

Maddie and I dead panned at that, her using her hockey stick and I using Tia Shan. Surprisingly enough she survived being crushed by the small me multiple times.

I love pandas, aru.

"Fritz," Maddie whined, she's probably going insane after hearing all the ways to call one's self awesome.

"But the slightly awesome Maddie," he whined back, "they must hear my awesome otherwise they will forget the awesome that is I, the Awesome Prussia!" Cue lights and confetti, no really they started falling all over the place.

One got in my eye, aru!

"Like, where did the confetti come from? It, like, totally got in my hair." Alfons complained as he pulled a hair brush out of thin air and started fussing over his hair.

And I thought I was girly, aru.

"Hey, Lils, where do you get your shirts? I've been looking everywhere but can't seem to find them." Livvy asked randomly.

Seriously what's with all this randomness, aru?

Looking down at my dark blue Chinese shirt I shrugged my shoulders.

"To tell you the truth I'm just as I have no idea, it's almost as if some black haired German in some parallel universe just drew them one day and thought 'who the hell can I make wear this and not complain about it?' and decided I should, aru." The others gave a 'what the hell is she smoking' look before asking Fritz where the confetti came from.

Now that I think about it I'm still really confused as to where all that came from, aru.

Confetti, where art thou, aru!

"So, slightly awesome female, how in the name of slightly awesomeness did you become friends with my cousin?" Fritz asked Livvy, who looked close to smacking him over the head with her skillet.

Poor boy, if only he knew, aru.

"Who are you calling slightly awesome, not as awesome as me male, I became friends with Lily because we both have plenty in common and have a mutual hate for Edtard Mullen." Livvy didn't seem to like Fritz too much but she didn't seem like the type of person to kill him.

Oh no, she would grin pleasantly, a grin that promises pain and torment and… ponies? I'm not entirely sure about the last one but in short she would keep him alive but harm him greatly.

That's Livvy for you, aru.

Her mom and she are both alike in that way.

"Excuse me," cue predo alarm, "I need to speak with Lily… alone." That voice was so effeminate and high pitched that it almost passed for Little Fille's voice. It broke the once carefree or plotting, in Livvy's case, atmosphere and made the others go silent.

Whose girly voice did that belong to? I'll give you a guess; he has brick colored hair and smells like he walked out of the perfume section of the mall.

Ding Ding! We have a winner!

The star of unmanliness, Edward Cullen, his combustibility is still unknown though, aru. Recently we (Alfons, Livvy, and I) have dubbed him Femward for his unmanliness and femininelness. Yes, I invented the word… okay not really but who cares.

"Was the exposition not enough, aru? What part of stay the hell away do you not understand, aru? Do want a sock boom in your panties because I got plenty, aru!" I hissed darkly. He seemed a little taken aback by the threat but held firm in his spot by Livvy's car.

You walked into allied territory dumb ass, aru.

"Well lookie at who we've got here. Tell me non- yaoi- approving- female- oppressive- male- of- unawesomeness, why not hang with the rest of your superficial cult of unawesome chums over there?" Livvy quipped and nodded her head over to the rest of the Cullens. Femward's face looked even more constipated then usual and he almost looked troubled.

Do even think about it punk, aru!

"I just- I need to speak with you, please." He pleaded depressingly, I swear it's starting to affect me, and gave me the kicked puppy eyes.

Sorry bub but I'm only a sucker for panda kicked eyes, and kitty ones, but that depends, aru.

"Hell no, aru! I don't know how many times I need to say this to you for the message to get across but I don't want be anywhere near you, aru!" I barked at Femward. One of the Cullens started walking over, the pixy girl that I'm taller than, and gave us a friendly smile.

"Sorry about him, he forgot to take his medication. Come on Edward, we need to give you your happy shot." She then proceeded to drag the derp face back to their cars, him kicking and screaming the entire way.

Dude, don't fight it, just take your happy meds and be decent, aru!

Once the two were gone the twins looked at us in puzzlement.

Alfons huffed, finally staring up from his magazine, "Don't, like, ask."

"Yeah, let's just say it's not something you want to get involved with. Once in, there's no turning back."

Is it just me or did a creepy purplish black cloud appear behind Livvy's head?

"So what's the story behind this unawesome dude of nonawesomeness?" Fritz asked, completely ignoring what Livvy just said.

Boys, they never listen when a girl is talking, aru.

"You really just ignored what I said! I even went to the trouble of putting a purplish black cloud behind my head!"

I knew it, aru!

"Besides that what's his deal, he seems like the kind of person that would take your perfume and not give it back." So I was right about him smelling like girly perfume, go Maddie!

"We can't really tell you much, from what Alfons and I know they keep to themselves and if they see anything 'unnatural' or 'strange' or what they define as 'not ordinary' they get all weird and stockerish, especially Edtard." Livvy explained with a deep frown on her face. Alfons nodded his head in agreement.

"Yeah, like, my first day of school they, like, totally stocked me because I'm, like, totally into dudes."

Fritz seemed genuinely shocked and Maddie had this pervy spark go through her indigo eyes.

Out of all that explanation they only got that got the 'Alfons is not straight' part. Maybe my perviness is starting to rub off on them.

Oh God no! The world can't handle another yaoi, panda loving fangirl, aru!

"Wait an awesome yet not as awesome as me moment, do you mean you're gay?" Alfons gave him a 'no duh' look and went back to his magazine.

Really Fritz, even the densest of people would know that Alfons likes his nails done nicely. How would you feel is if your nails looked bad?

Exactly, aru.

* * *

><p><strong>PANDAS! PANDAS! <strong>

* * *

><p>After a bit of talking we ended up walking to our classes, besides Fritz and Maddie, they had to get their paperwork and timetables. Sadly I didn't have any early morning classes with them but it was alright in the end.<p>

It's already bad enough for the teachers when Livvy and I are in a five mile radius of each other.

Today I had art but I didn't have that class with anyone but I think this might be the perfect opportunity to make more friends.

You know the old saying the more the merrier, and yes that also applies to booze.

Hehe I like beer, aru~!

When I got there the room was fairly empty besides one boy and the teacher. Walking over to the lone student I plopped my wool clad booty in the set next to him and blasted my brightest smile.

The boy had bright hazel eyes and wavy, shoulder length dirty blond hair. Popping out of his hair was a lone curl that seemed to have a life its own. He seemed a bit shocked at my entrance but I held my hand out in greeting.

"Hallo, I'm Lily Beilschmidt, aru~! What's your name?" I chirped enthusiastically. The blond seemed to bounce out of shockedness and grinned a little.

"Ciao, I'm Angelo Vargas, pleaser to meet you."

* * *

><p><strong>And I'm cutting it short here people. I won't have time to work on this during break so I thought I would at least get something out there (sorry that it's shorter then my other ones). I wonder who Angelo's parents are. Anyways, I hope you guys liked this chapter (again sorry that it's short) and….. <strong>

**A FLYING PANDA OF AWESOMENESS! **


	8. Chapter 7

**Disclaimer: I don't own Hetalia or Twilight! If I did there wouldn't be such thing as Bella Sue- I mean Swan (whoops) but Hetalia would still be the same (it's just too awesome to change.) The original idea for this story belongs to Phoenix- Fire Power so I'm not copying! **

**HK15: …. And I added HRE and Chibitalia's baby! At first I was just going to have him be France and Italy's son (that would explain the wavy hair) but I think HRE and his Italy deserve a little bundle of joy (okay he's kind of a teenager but he's still adorable!) Anyways I hope you all enjoy the chapter! **

**So far this is where the votes stand for Lily's future boyfriend: **

**US/UK- 2**

**Liet/Pol- 1 **

**Thank you by the way to those that voted, they were very much appreciated in all their awesomeness! **

**ENJOY! **

**Warning: This will contain pure and utter crack so, please, no flames on how this doesn't make any sense because neither does crack! You've been warn. **

* * *

><p>"Nice to meet you Angelo, aru! You know, for someone so bright and happy and covered in paint, I haven't seen you around school at all, aru." Yeah, now that I really think about it, I haven't seen this ball of sunshine, and paint, since I've been here and with the small population it's hard to not recognize someone.<p>

Angelo grinned, "Ve~ I haven't been at school for awhile, family business." His smile seemed to dime a little at the 'family business.'

I wonder why, aru.

He seemed to snap out of whatever was on his find and grinned, "Ve~, but it's alright besides now I'm back at school and now I get to make new friends."

Nodding my head in understanding I looked down at the picture he had been drawing. It was scenery of a field with a little boy and what looked to be a little girl; I'm not entirely sure, holding hands. Their clothes looked old and almost remind me of the Renaissance.

It was beautiful, aru.

"Aw, so kawii, aru~! What a beautiful picture, you're really talented, aru." I gushed. Honestly the picture was amazing, it looked so life like, and the little kids were just so cute.

Angelo blushed a little at the complement and smiled. Man this guy likes to smile, aru.

"Ve~ thank you, my parents sort of inspired this. They told me they met when they were kids and that my mom was always mistaken for a girl."

"Wait a minute, aru, you have two dads?" I asked curiously but he took it the wrong way. "Um n-no I said 'my mom,' who is defiantly not a man, 'met my dad,' who is defiantly a guy, 'when they were kids.' Ve~ that's exactly what I said." He chuckled nervously.

Poor guy, I know your pain, aru.

Placing a small, yes, not short, hand on his shoulder I said, "I have two dads, aru."

He raised an eyebrow, thinking I was lying or making fun of him, until I showed him my hospital pictures as a baby. Don't ask why I keep those with me at all times of the day seven days a week.

Sometimes it's just best not to ask, aru.

"Wow- wait then do you know-"

"No more than you do, aru. Sadly SOME PEOPLE won't tell me and are keeping me from completing my bucket list, aru. Now it won't be done by the time I go to be with the other panda plushies in the sky, aru." I frowned but then remembered that Angelo was still next to me.

Mama taught me to always be hospitable… except for creepers; they are the one exception, aru.

"Ve~, that's a shame, my parents won't tell me about that either. It's almost as if an author in some parallel dimension got some crack pot idea to have two guys have babies and not give a valid reason for why." He babbled off. So I'm not the only one who realized that this reality is _way_ unrealistic.

Oh well, might as well roll with, aru.

_Ring Ring Ring _

DIE DIE YOU STUPID NOISE MAKING- oh class has started.

Everyone one else came in and took their seats, chatting amongst themselves. But this one group, I'll give you a guess as to who it is, really made my blood boil.

And this time it wasn't because they were making a mess and being lazy, aru.

Femward was sitting next to Pixy who was clinging to Constipated One who was bording with Barbie who was smacking Hulk.

Make any senses, aru?

Anyway they started whispering something rather loudly about Angelo.

"I don't understand why she's spending her time with those rude teenages, and that one over there, the one who was born of two men, it's disgusting!" Femward cringed, disgusted with my blonde companion that caught every word he had said. Barbie nodded in agreement and Pixy shrugged her tiny shoulders, she didn't seem to keen with the discussion.

"For once I agree with you Edward, but why care about her? She's a _human_ for the love of sanity! If I'm not mistaken she doesn't seem too taken with your advances either." She said idly as she played with one of her blonde curls.

"Well from what I've heard in other people's minds the kid she's sitting next mom- no wait dad… whatever is sick or something and that he had to leave his other schools because of how he came into the world if you know what I mean." Barbie smacked him upside the head and earned a whine in return.

Despite how Hulk pretty much just hinted at something very intimate Femward continued.

"Yes, but I don't think they're human. All I know is that anyone that is born of two men is a enemy against nature and must be stopped."

Did those… MUTTER FICKERS JUST DO WHAT I THINK THEY'VE DONE!

Looking over at Angelo I saw he had his head down, his longish hair covered most of his face, and was whimpering. Those evil, prudish, egotistical bitches just made this ball of sunshine and smiles cry… they're going to die!

Flying out of my seat I pulled out my wok and clubbed Femward upside the head, successfully knocking that homophobe out of his seat. Pulling him up by the hair I put my face as close as I could to his own, showing just how scary I can be.

I may be adorable on the outside, but on the inside I'm just as bad as Papa when he has too many beers, aru.

"Listen here, Arschficker, if you ever, _ever, _talk about my friends like that ever again I will skin you alive, dounce your body in bleach, and leave what remains of you to the dogs, aru." I cackled the last part. Feel the fear, boy, feel the fear.

The teacher was speechless and looked torn between horrified and angered at the disruption.

Barbie and Constipated One were already out of their seats and were about to knock me senselessly but were stopped by a giant can of paint.

"What the-"

Angelo was standing on top of the art table with a feral, almost monstrous glare that even sent chills down my spine.

Damn, aru! He's scary!

"Don't you ever talk about my family that way ever again and how dare you say that about Lily's! We've done nothing to you and you so much as breathe those words again I will make you all disappear… is that understood?" He then threw another paint can at Hulk, which evidently made it explode, and paint got everywhere.

And that was the first ever paint war at Fork High.

* * *

><p>"Wow and this supposedly awesome, yet, not awesome as me, guy named Angelo totally got Femward in the balls?" Fritz asked as we all munched on our food. Nodding my head I motioned over to our new group member with a grin.<p>

"Yep, he totally kicked ass, aru~! We even established this day as the first Paint Fight, aru. I guess they're going to make this an annual thing, aru."

Livvy seemed to perk up when she hear 'annual' and started cackling. Alfons didn't seem to keen on the thought of getting dirty but he seemed impressed with Angelo.

Good for him, aru.

Maddie was looking between said Italian and German with a pervy smile.

Do I spy another yaoi paring, aru~!

Wait a minute! I can't start paring off my cousin with someone we just met, though he does seem a bit familiar, but still!

Ugh, having a pervs for parents and being a perv yourself can be hard at times, aru.

"Ve~, thank you Lily but I only did it because they said bad things otherwise I wouldn't have thrown the paint. I don't like fighting and peace is good!" He smiled as he dug into his pasta. Fritz shrugged his shoulders but slapped him on the back.

"Welcome to the Group of Awesome, Angelo!"

"We finally have a name for ourselves?" Livvy asked finding that the name really suited six of us. We have the egotistical Fritz, the yaoi loving Livvy, the well balanced Maddie, the stylish Alfons, the artistic Angelo, and last, but defiantly not least, the panda loving beer chugging trigger happy me.

What could be a better group of friends, aru?

* * *

><p><strong>Yay no more writers block! Thank you GotKat2SlashFan for the help (I would be dead without you) and also to those who view this! Hope you all liked this chapter! <strong>

**PANDA'S OF AWESOME!**


	9. Chapter 8

**Disclaimer: I don't own Hetalia or Twilight! If I did there wouldn't be such thing as Bella Sue- I mean Swan (whoops) but Hetalia would still be the same (it's just too awesome to change.) The original idea for this story belongs to Phoenix- Fire Power so I'm not copying! **

**HK15: …. And I added HRE and Chibitalia's baby! At first I was just going to have him be France and Italy's son (that would explain the wavy hair) but I think HRE and his Italy deserve a little bundle of joy (okay he's kind of a teenager but he's still adorable!) Anyways I hope you all enjoy the chapter! **

**So far this is where the votes stand for Lily's future boyfriend: **

**US/UK- 3**

**Liet/Pol- 1 **

**Thank you by the way to those that voted, they were very much appreciated in all their awesomeness! **

**ENJOY! **

**Warning: This will contain pure and utter crack so, please, no flames on how this doesn't make any sense because neither does crack! You've been warn. **

* * *

><p><em>Ring Ring Ring <em>

WILL SOMEONE MAKE THAT PIECE OF-oh… I really need to stop doing that, aru. As you all can tell the bell, in all its evil noise, has rung, signaling the end of school. Today, besides this morning, had been fairly boring and had little to no excitement, well, besides the part where I stuck a sock boom in Femward's backpack.

Ah, good times, good times~.

But, anyways, the day's over and now I can go to my Onkel and Tante's.

Yay, I can see Little Fille and Diederich, aru~!

"Finally, the days over, I thought it would never end." Livvy sighed as she picked up her learning materials, aka her yaoi, and grabbed her flora backpack.

Maddie nodded in agreement with a small mutter of 'maple' and followed us the door and into the hallway.

Now it's time to find Fritz, Alfons, and Angelo. Tante Mattie had said we could invite some friends over for a little get together, mostly wanting to make sure Fritz and Maddie had _some _people to hang out with besides me.

"Hey, Livvy, do you wanna come over to my Tante's house later, we're having a big dinner and he said to invite anyone we knew, aru?" I asked. She cupped her chin in thought before a big smile graced her lips.

"Of course, I don't see why not I just need to let my mom know but I have one question, will there be any booze there?"

"Yep."

"Then I'm in!"

"Yay, aru! PARTY!" I cheered and chirped like a panda high on sugar once we got out to the parking lot. Everyone was looking at us strangely and where whispering to one another. They looked frightened and slightly disgusted; you could tell by the way they scrunched their noses.

For the love of Christ did someone fart again and if so I blame Femward, aru!

"Hey, Maddie, do you think someone cut the cheese, aru?"

Looking over at me she shrugged her should but then noticed the stares. "I don't know but what I do know is that it has something to do with your little display earlier."

"Wait, was it the sock boom because if it was I blame-"

"No, the paint fight earlier and your whole little speech, maple," she explained.

"Oh come on, they freaking deserved a wok to the face, aru! How would you feel if someone started bad mouthing Tante Mattie and Onkel Gil, aru?" I raised an eyebrow.

She gave a sigh and shook her head, "All I'm saying is be careful. There's something not right about those Cullen blokes. Whenever you're in their presences it makes you feel all tingly on the inside and makes you want to-"

"Grab some lighter fluid and a match and blow them to kingdom com, aru~!"

"NO, what is it with you and lighting shit on fire, I mean it just doesn't feel right- and before you say it it has nothing to do with blowing crap up! It's almost as if something, or someone, is trying to invade your personal space but can't. Does that make any sense?" She asked once we got to my tank and sat down on the hatch.

Just in case one of my planted mines goes off we'll have an easy escape root, aru.

"Well, as far as the Femward thing goes, I'd say they're French but they haven't tried and molested one of us or talk about the power of love or speak with a French accent." Livvy conclude and got this predatory look in her eye.

Seriously, what did the French do to make her turn demonic at the sound of their name, aru?

"Maybe they're some supernatural creature that has been evilly modified by some person that thinks she can write, but can't, and makes the female species look like the Star Child from Mass Effect 3, especially with the three crappy choices that are varied by color and make fans everywhere turn hostile at the very sound of the word 'catalyst', aru." They both gave me strange stares that screamed 'never let her play video games with Fritz ever AGAIN!'

It's not my fault that Bioware pretty much destroyed my favorite videogame with their horrible endings and choices, aru!

One of these days man, ONE OF THESE DAYS, I'm going to go Shepherd on someone's ass at it _will _be EPIC! MUHAHAHAHAHA, aru~!

"My slightly awesome, yet still not as awesome as me, cousin knows how to play the awesomeness, yet still not as awesome as me, that is Mass Effect!" Fritz cheered as he, Alfons, and Angelo walked over to the tank.

You know what; I think it needs a name, the tank.

I wonder what I'll name it, aru?

"Like, did that Edtard Mullen guy bother you today?" Alfons asked. Shaking my head I replied, "Nien, he's left us alone, so far, but I'm waiting for him to come after me after I blow up his backpack."

Angelo raised an eyebrow when he heard 'blow up' but didn't ask.

Sometimes it just better that way, aru.

"Lils, totally be careful about that stuff. Last thing you need to, like, happen is his family totally harassing you." The half Polish boy warned.

Hm, I wonder if it's because of my size they think I can't take those dummkopfs?

"Thanks for the concern guys, really, but you also need to watch out for yourselves too, aru. They might try going after Livvy and Angelo, seeing as how you two made contact with them and had ligament conversation with them," "More like kickass conversations where I burned him!" "and they might also try going after you, Alfons, too, aru. Remember how he said they were following him his first day, aru?" The others nodded in agreement.

Then, Fritz piped up, "Yeah, I think the whole part of 'staying under the radar' is already a fail. I had the Constipated One in my Algebra 2 class and that unawesome excuse for awesomeness kept staring at me and whispering something about 'unnatural eye color' and 'unnatural hair color'. HE was also muttering something about 'drinking human blood' but it was the appearance thing that really bugged me! Seriously! He just can't handle the awesomeness that is I, Fritz Beilschmidt, the most awesomest being that ever walked the earth!"

Uh… not only have we just gotten a valuable piece of information but also that Fritz has just made up a new word.

Angelo imminently perked up and said, "Wait a minute, you said he said something about drinking blood do you think…" Maddie, probably the only sane one of us, jumped in. "Angelo! There's no way their vampires!"

"He never said anything about 'vampires', my not as awesome as me sister, he was talking about the fact they might have a blood fetish. Am I right Angie?" The blonde nodded his head vigorously, making his little curl bounce up in down.

Wait a minute… did Fritz just Angelo Angie? Cousin, you're not helping, now I won't be able to get all this yaoi out of my head for a week.

* * *

><p>After going through a very, <em>very <em>long discussion over anime, pancakes, anime, yaoi, Mass Effect, and more yaoi, before it was time for Livvy and Alfons to head home. They promised to drop by later so that kept me in good spirits.

They really were great friends, aru. Sure they have their own flaws but, hey, who doesn't?

Angelo needed a ride home since his 'mom' was at the hospital with his dad.

Right now the others were piling into the tank when I had the sudden urge to just stand in my same spot. There was no reason behind it I just felt like it.

"Tia Shan, I think the plot is coming," I murmured quietly to my panda. "I don't know what it looks like; all I know is that it will change the course of everything. Does this make me a Mary Sue?"

_SHRECH! _

Oh my God, it's the plot!

An out of control van came barreling towards my side of the tank. The random person that was driving, more like flailing, was speeding right towards me. I could hear people scream but I wasn't panicking.

There is a reason why I have a panda plushy with me at all times, aru.

Throwing Tia Shan out at arm's length I was ready to catch the metal beast when I felt something cold and hard knock me down. What the hell!

Looking up I saw that it was Femward, in all his feminineness, with a look of constipatedness, before I kicked him in the balls. Yeah, you heard me; I kicked that predobear in the nuts and used him as a meat shield.

When the van finally made contact with his body, making a huge dent in the side. Damn, this thing has a humongous butt!

Giving a hard shove, I pushed the flower smelling creeper away and stud up, not a scratch on my body. Everyone was screaming and some were even crying and I could hear the sound of the hatch opening. Fritz and Maddie looked down and Angelo was panicking. "OhmyGod! Are you okay!"

Femward's was pulling on my wool, pant leg and was looking at me with a pleading look in his eye.

"W-why?"

What a weird ass day this has turned into, aru.

* * *

><p><strong>AAAAHHHHHH I'm sorry for the late update! I had the research paper from hell and all this other crap that I had to do so it took me FOREVER to finish this. I hope this chapter makes up for the lateness. Oh, by the way, if any of you want to name Lily's tank just review or PM me. I'm closing my poll tomorrow so if you want to vote now is the time. <strong>

**FLYING TANKS, FLYING TANKS EVERYWHERE! **


	10. Chapter 9

**Disclaimer: I don't own Hetalia or Twilight! If I did there wouldn't be such thing as Bella Sue- I mean Swan (whoops) but Hetalia would still be the same (it's just too awesome to change.) The original idea for this story belongs to Phoenix- Fire Power so I'm not copying! **

**HK15: Hello everyone! Thank you for the review (an extra boost to my confidence right there) and those who vote! As you can tell this chapter will feature the awesome Prussia and Germany finally meeting Femward and all his femininess (Gilbird will eat his brains!) I hope you all enjoy the maiming of Femward this chapter because there will be A LOT of it! **

**Lily's permanent boyfriend is….. US/UK! **

**Thank you by the way to those that voted, they were very much appreciated in all their awesomeness! **

**Warning: This will contain pure and utter crack so, please, no flames on how this doesn't make any sense because neither does crack! You've been warn. **

* * *

><p>Wait a minute, why the hell am I at the hospital being searched for wounds? Did these people not see me use Femward as a human, or not, shield or the fact he made it out of the whole accident with a massive head blow.<p>

The head injury was all me baby!

"For the love of Christ I'm fine, aru!" I glared angrily at the nurse that wouldn't leave me alone. Don't make me use the wok lady.

Turns out the driver- who- must- not- be- named was a boy named Tyler. He laying on a bed next to me and was apologizing over and over again, probably out of fear of what Papa might do to him.

Sadly Sheward was on the bed on my left with a nurse mending his head.

The thought of doing that to him made me all giddy on the inside. His skin is just as hard as his reasoning skill when people say the word 'no'.

Suddenly I had the hugest urge to jump off the bed and start dancing the Schuhplatter, I could almost hear angels whisper in my ear to get more booze for the occasion.

Is there a Catholic Church nearby or something, everyone knows they have the best wine?

Scratch that people. A blonde haired man walked, or more skipped, into the room. The nurse helping Femward with his head started to shiver like a girl with turrets.

"D-Dr. C-cul-llen." She stuttered out. What is it with people and stuttering?

"Father." Femward acknowledged with a nod. Okay, I don't know who this 'Dr. Cullen' guy is but that is not how you treat your parents! At least give him a warmer welcome femmie!

"Can I go now, aru?" I asked again only to be completely ignored. Bitch you will listen to me!

"How are you feeling?" the doctor asked.

"Fine, aru. Can I go now, aru?" I repeated only with a bit of bite to it. My patience was at its limits and I was starting to go through yaoi withdrawals.

Blondie shined a light into my eyes and felt around my head. "Are you experiencing any dizziness? Difficulty breathing? Anything out of the ordinary?"

"No, aru."

"Well I think you should stay here for furth…" he trailed off.

Remember those angles that were whispering good tidings of booze? Well they were in the background ever since Cullen walked in and the German music and the urge to dance and the angels stopped dead. Speaking of death its smell started to invade the room's vital regions. I saw flames start to form on the paper work and the bed sheets.

"Papa, aru!" I chirped enthusiastically.

Three heads immediately turned so fast I was surprised none of them popped off.

There, in all his police wearing uniform glare on his brow and rifle in his hands about six feet tall glory was my Papa.

He walked swiftly over to me, pushing Blondie out of the way with a growl, and placed his hands on my tiny shoulders.

"Lily, are you alright? Are you hurt anyvhere?" he asked with concerned.

I grinned and nuzzled into his chest. "I'm fine Papa. Everything's alright."

His hardened face slowly broke into an affectionate smile. "Gute."

His bright eyes wandered over to Tyler, who stilled lay on the hospital bed, and the creepy grin made its way onto his face. "You and I vill be having a lot chat after this, boy."

Papa turned to the nurse that was still there and clutching her wooden clipboard in her hands tightly, the smoke from the papers didn't seem to freak her out. When my dad looked at her pale skin paled even further and gripped the clipboard tighter.

How hasn't she noticed the fire yet?

"There is no need to clear his name, he vill be back shortly."

Tyler started whimpering in fear.

Dad picked me up like a toddler and I cuddled up until I was comfortable. Oh the advantages to being small~!

"I vill be taking Lily home now, Guten Tage." He then proceeded to exit the room.

Blondie tried to stop him. "Mr. Beilschmidt please wait we need to run more tests…"

Papa gave him a hard glare, stopping Blondie mid sentence.

Once we got into the lobby I saw Fritz, Maddie, Onkel Gil, Tante Mattie with the little ones, Alfons, Angelo, and Livvy sitting in the sets. They all looked really worried.

"Lily!" Angelo yelled as he and the other ran over. At that I finally hopped out of Papa's really comfortable arms as they engulfed me in hugs.

"We were so worried about you, we thought you got smashed!" Maddie crowed as she shook me. Her eyes looked puffy as did Angelo's. Were they really crying about me?

"Don't worry guys I'm alright, aru! I just used Femward as a meat shield, aru." I chirped. Livvy slapped me on the back.

"Never do that again, we thought you were seriously hurt." She warned. Fritz and Alfons nodded in agreement.

Sweat dropping I nodded my head that I wouldn't get into dangerous situations that involved vans. I never said anything about not blowing shit up though MUHAHAHAHAHA!

* * *

><p>After that everyone went home, the get together was rescheduled for another day. Papa and I sat in a calm silence on the way home, me being too tiered from using Femward as my meat shield and Papa still seething from Tyler nearly crushing me.<p>

"You are positive you're alright?" Papa asked.

Shaking my head rapidly I answered, "Positive, the van didn't even so much as graze me. I was going to catch it with Tia Shan but Femward made a better cushion."

Papa patted me on the head with his free hand. "That's my Lily."

* * *

><p>The next day I showed up to school, Fritz and Maddie coming along with me. Everyone was staring at us, again, and I got the hugest urge to bust them with my wok.<p>

Today my hair was up in its usual style only I had flowers on them instead of pandas and my usual Chinese shirt was replaced with a panda tee.

My normal parking spot was clear except for this one car. It was a cherry red, blue, and whiter Ferrari with an American flag on the back.

Did we have a new student, aru?

**AND I'M DONE! America's son will be showing up next chapter and I'll be adding some Angelo and Fritz moments sometime soon. **

**PANDA!**


	11. Chapter 10

**Disclaimer: I don't own Hetalia or Twilight! If I did there wouldn't be such thing as Bella Sue- I mean Swan (whoops) but Hetalia would still be the same (it's just too awesome to change.) The original idea for this story belongs to Phoenix- Fire Power so I'm not copying! **

**The Wall of Awesome: **

**GothKat2SlashFan **

**Rose Thourn **

**The Almighty Pyro **

**HK15: Oh My G-D! I don't think I've ever been this happy about writing in a very long time! Thank you all so much for the reviews, they're gold in my book, and for those who read this. Oh, and there is a reason why the title is 'A Frying Pan to the Head' instead of 'A Wok to the Head', if you want to know why then read on people of awesomeness! **

**Warning: This will contain pure and utter crack so, please, no flames on how this doesn't make any sense because neither does crack! You've been warn. **

* * *

><p>The twins and I went our separate ways, them going to Biology, while I skipped off to Gym. Yay~ I can't wait to kick their as- I mean 'play' with everyone, aru! Once I got into the girls locker room I changed into my uniform before skipping out with everyone else.<p>

Today we were apparently playing football with the guys since the rain had taken a break. I wonder what could possible happen. Along with the buzz of this convenient lack of rain there was talk of a new student.

"I heard he came all the way from Washington D.C. and that his dad totally worked for the President."

"Yeah, and I heard that he can lift a car over his head without breaking a sweat!"

"Really?"

"Totally." Wait a minutes, was that Alfons talking right there? Hmm, that's odd; maybe his speech has decided to invade everyone's vital regions or something. But that part about being able to lift a car over ones head is freaking awesome, aru.

I wonder if I have any class with this guy.

"Alright everyone! As you all know we have a new student with us." The Coach stepped away to revel a, by my standards, boy with short caramel hair with one hair that wouldn't stay put. He had tanned skin and his eyes were a pretty shade of green.

"Hello dudes! The names Andrew F. Jones and I'm the hero!" He shouted and took a pose. Is that… an American flag behind him?

He's kind of cute, aru, especially with that million megawatt smil-

NIEN NIEN NIEN! I will not get crushes on boys! I will be the pinnacle of awesomeness for the rest of eternity- wait a moment is that Femward walking up to him?

Using my ninja skills I dodge, ducked, dipped, dived, and… dodge everyone one until I was hiding behind the football equipment. Time for some epic spying!

"I want you to stay away from Lily." Femward stated in a not-so-scary tone. Andrew looked at him as though he had grown two heads, thank you so I'm not the only one who has noticed, before replying, "Dude, I have no idea who you're talk'in about-"

"You and all your lies, you know exactly who I'm talking about and if you so much as breathe around her I will or be within the same direction of her I will-"

Okay this is beer shit! I'm not about to let this creeper bully the new kid. Jumping up into the air I threw my wok at his head and knocked him down to the grown.

"I don't know if you've noticed, Femward, but I'm not yours, never will be, or have been, aru! Leaven Andrew alone or I'll but a sock boom in your pants and believe me, boy, not even you and all your femaleness will survive it, aru." I hissed at him as a dark cloud of doom started to appear behind me.

I could see him give a light shiver but he didn't back down, hell he had the gall to place a hand on my shoulder in a way that almost seemed affectionate. What the hell man! I haven't some much as had a decent conversation with this weirdo and he's still trying to charm me up!

FICK NIEN!

I was about to bite his hand when a much bigger one beat me to the punch, or bite. I'm not entirely sure.

"Hands off the little lady, dude. If she says she doesn't want you around then stay away." Andrew glared at him. You know this looks like something out of Super Man comic, the only difference is that I'm not helpless and have a love for pandas… and explosions.

Ah~ fire is so pretty, aru!

Femward looked at me pleadingly and I had the hugest urge to flip the birdie at him. "Please, Lily, I need to talk to you-"

"Hell no, aru! Go away, aru!" I yelled and started to drag Andrew off with me to the larger cluster of students. It was really weird, seeing a tiny person dragging someone much taller than themselves with almost no effort.

Personally I blame the Chinese Tasty Treat, aru.

"Sorry about him, I think he forgot to take his happy meds this morning, aru." He gave a booming laugh that nearly knocked me over. Damn, screw super strength this guys laugh has the power of a super fan!

"HAHAHA, noth'in to worry about little lady, the hero always wins." Wait a minute (damn I'm having a lot of these moments today) did he just call me 'little lady'? Hm, should I pulverize him or let it go… I'm going with letting it go.

It's his first day and Femward was bothering him so I don't really see the point in using the wok.

"So, Andrew-"

"You can call me Andy but is your name Lily, little lady." Please don't pulverize him, please don't pulverize him, please don't pulverize-

"Uh, nice to meet you Andy, aru, and yes my name is Lily, Lily Beilschmidt." I put out my hand for him to shake but instead he took my uber tiny hand, compared to his, and placed a light kiss on my knuckles.

WHAT IN THE NAME OF FLYING TANKS WAS THAT?

Okay, as cute as I may be, _that _department is completely out of my field!

Ah I feel like a little school girl, aru.

"A pleasure to meet you too." He grinned up at me with that damned grin. God, is he using the power of British Charm or something, because I heard one of his parents is from England.

"Alright! Everyone get onto your teams and let's play ball!" The coach yelled. Andy and I were on the same team and were facing off against Femward. Since our team was on offence I was the center and Andy was the quarter back… and I think he's staring at my butt.

"Ready, set, hike!" And we were off after I launched the ball. The other members of our team imminently took off at the defense, the small me tackling a random passerby with my cuteness. Andy apparently didn't see my smallness because he tripped over my foot and went flying through the air… and straight into Femward.

I hope he's alright, aru.

"Dude that… was freaking kick ass!" He shouted, not even noticing he was sitting on the predobear. Said predo looked like he wanted to pass gas but couldn't.

Does anyone know what the medical term for that is, aru?

"Alright Jones, you can get off of Cullen now." Our teacher called over with a blow of his whistle. Andy looked up before a shit eating grin formed on his face.

"No problamo!"

Femward sat up on his knees, only to find his entire body covered in mud. That… has to be the most gratifying thing I've ever seen and I wasn't the cause of it this time!

"Haha, hey, everyone, Edward Cullen's covered in mud! Let's laugh and point at him for no reason what's so ever!" All the other students pointed their fingers and let out obnoxious laughs. I think this is supposed to be part of moving the plot along but I'm not so sure.

Walking up to Andy I slapped him on the back in congratulations, "Nice job, aru! Do you think you could use your super strength and throw him into the woods, aru?"

He looked slightly shocked, "Man, you really are violent. How can someone so small be so devious?"

Cocking my head to the side, in a very panda like fashion, I questioned, "What do you mean violent, aru?"

"Well, for one, you've threatened that dude over there and wanted to stick sock booms down his pants and I think I heard something about wanting to throw him into the woods."

Shrugging my shoulders, which are very small mind you, "I got my Mama's 'moments', aru. Once he used a wok on someone because they said something about him being short and looking like a woman, aru."

He now looked at me questioningly. "Wait a moment; did you just call you mum a dude?"

"Well not exactly but yeah he's a guy and won't tell me how he got pregnant with me; it's really annoying you know, aru." His face brightened again.

"Yeah know Lily, I think you and I have a lot in common, my mum's also a dude."

… How many dudes out there are having kids with other dudes and not tell science how the hell that works! Wait a minutes, Andy might know and then I can complete my bucket list and-

"But every time I ask him how the hell it works he blushes and tells me to go clean my room, which I don't, or to go find my dad, which I do sometimes. He's really busy." Damn it!

"Damn it, aru! How doesn't anyone know how that works, aru! I've done all sorts of research and everything comes up blank or unexplained, aru! This is really starting to grate my nerves, aru." I now had the hugest urge to go blow something up, preferably Femward new car, but I couldn't because some randomly picked me up.

What the, aru!

"Don't sweat it though little lady, the hero is here to save the day!" He cheered as he ran down the football field with me still on his shoulder.

"EEEPPPPP Andy put me down, aru! I'm not exactly your average backpack, aru!" I yelled on the top of my lungs. Everyone was staring at us but kept their attention on Femward, who was glaring daggers at Andy.

You know, for someone I just met, he's really nice and funny. Very naïve yes but nice none the less.

I think I'm going to like having Andrew F. Jones in my Gym class.

* * *

><p><strong>And here is America and England's son! I hope I gave him the right amount of Americaness and England's charm (I didn't want the two of them to go too fast but at least establish he's a charmer). I think I might add one more character to the group (I'm torn between DenNor and SuFin) If you guys want a specific one just review or PM me. <strong>

**Once again thank you for reading! **

**HOLY FLYING PANDAS WITH MOCHIS! **


	12. Chapter 11

**Disclaimer: I don't own Hetalia or Twilight! If I did there wouldn't be such thing as Bella Sue- I mean Swan (whoops) but Hetalia would still be the same (it's just too awesome to change.) The original idea for this story belongs to Phoenix- Fire Power so I'm not copying! **

**The Wall of Awesome: **

**teenbooks4ever**

**GothKat2SlashFan **

**Rose Thourn **

**Myrna Maeve **

**HK15: … I think I forgot to put the reason for the title last chapter. Damn it! Sorry about that, I'll put it in this chapter, anyways I wanted to thank those who review and, as for which kid would be coming in later, I'm still freaking torn! While having a SuFin kid would be cute, a bipolar DenNor would be bad ass (and hilarious) so I'm going to put up a poll. It's on my page if you guys want to vote. **

… **or maybe I'll just add both of them. Who the hell knows! **

**Warning: This will contain pure and utter crack so, please, no flames on how this doesn't make any sense because neither does crack! You've been warn. **

* * *

><p>After beating the crap out of the apposing team, all thanks to Andy, our team doesn't have to run the mile for the rest of the school year. BOO YA!<p>

We all took some much needed showers and were going to our other classes. From what Andy told me, his dad used to be a marine but started working for the President after a really strange incident with one his co-workers that involved whip cream and handcuffs.

He wouldn't go into much detail, aru.

"Yeah, but thanks to all his combat experience he was a good candidate, he even has a job as a police officer now!"

"Really, aru. My Papa's the Chief of Police, aru! Your right, we do have a lot in common, aru~!" I giggled from my spot on his shoulders. For some reason he didn't mind my crawling all over him, maybe it was his super duper strength that made him immune to my weirdness.

Who knows, aru.

"So, Andy," I poked him in the head playfully, "would you like to sit with me and my friends at lunch, aru, I think you would really like my cousin Fritz, aru!" He cupped his chin and gave a thoughtful hum before snapping his fingers. "Sure! I'd love ta meet them!" He exclaimed loudly as he walked down the halls to our next class.

After looking over his schedule I found we had many classes together.

Once we got into our next class, I had to duck to keep from hitting my head, the teacher announced, "Everyone, we have a new student today- Lily Beilschmidt! What are you doing on Mr. Jones' shoulders, get down!" Damn it, that's not very nice, aru.

Giving her the evil eye I started cackling, "_**aruaruaruaruaruaru~!" **_Who would have thought Ivan's 'How to Scare the Crap out of People' lessons would come in handy.

"W-well, w-why d-d-don't y-y-y-you two g-go t-take y-your s-seats n-now," she stuttered out. That lady really needs to have that stutter looked at.

Not really noticing my evil chanting or that fact the teacher's eye looked close to popping out, Andy walked over to our shared table, picked me up and off his shoulders and into my seat. I almost feel like a toddler again, only this time I wasn't babble things like "Dada" or "Baba" or "Weapons of Mass Destruction", though I still say the last one quiet often.

There are something's you just never out grow, aru.

"Alright students, we are going to begin today with a special announcement. According to the Chief of Staff you will not be having school tomorrow or for the rest of the week. Though this is unexplained and very unlikely I would like all of you to blindly listen to what I'm saying, be happy, and not ask any questions. Are there any questions?"

One of the boys, I think his name was Mike Newton, raised his hand, "Will there be cake?"

Then Andy jumped out of his chair and shouted, "Will it be strangely colored?"

I bounced in my seat, yay, cake! "Will there be beer in the cake, aru?"

"Can I go home now?"

"Do these jeans make my butt look big?"

"No, defiantly no, hell no, no you may not, and, I'm sorry hun, but yes."

Damn it and I heard that a full bottle of beer in cake is legendary.

For the rest of this unnamed class we did nothing but chat and set off the occasional sock boom.

Andy, now looking undyingly bored, asked, "When the hell are we getting out of here?"

Looking over at the clock I said, "In two more minutes, aru." He banged his head on the table gave a pained groan, which made my yaoi mind go to places it shouldn't. "That's too long! I can't sit in here and do nothing for such a long length of time."

Strange… how to people in Washington D.C. range time anyway?

Placing Tia Shan on his head I patted him on the back. "Don't worry Andy, aru. Class is almost over and then we'll have lunch, aru." His head snapped up and he looked at me with a childish smile. "Yes, HAHAHAAH FOOD!"

"Damn, you really like food, aru." I commented.

"Yeah, my mom's the best cook but I can't say the same for my dad. Once, when he was trying to cook my mom a romantic dinner, he blew up the entire kitchen. It looked like an atom boom had a baby and made the place go BOOM!" He laughed.

… remind me that if I ever meet his dad to never let him in the kitchen, we already have enough problems with Onkel trying to cook when he's drunk or me or Papa… or Fritz when he gets into my secret stash… In short don't let people in my kitchen.

_Ring Ring Ring _

THAT SON OF A BETCH THAT BLAHAHAHAHAHAH-… FOOD, aru!

After throwing my wok at the intercom with skill, Andy and I practically ran into the cafeteria, minds only on food, or in my case beer and beer and beer and more beer, and a little bit of vodka from Ivan to wash it all down. Ah, I love my alcoholic drinks, aru~!

"Hey, Lily, why are you always throwing that frying pan around?"

"WHAT! IT'S NOT A FRYING PAN IT'S A WOK!"

"Okay I get it I get it, details man."

After that very weird conversation we finally made it to the cafeteria.

"Hello Forks High, The Hero is here!" Andy crowed when he busted through the very flimsy doors. I think one of them went through the adjacent walls. Maybe he can help me take apart Femward's car later.

Everyone stared at him in fear, some in admiration, some *Cough Femward Cough* in disgust, and this one group looked as though they were plotting a poorly done yet entreating scam to get jaw breakers that only cost a nickel.

I go to school with some strange people, aru.

"Lily!" Maddie called from our usual table by the window. As Livvy would always say, it's the most awesome of ways to cause destruction and get out without the consequences.

Grabbing the self proclaimed hero by his boomer jacket I dragged him over to the other. "Hello, aru! I would like for you all to meet Andy F. Jones, aru." I introduced the blonde. He greeted everyone with that million watt smile that was so strong it could have melted their faces and eye balls.

"Hey dudes! Nice ta finally meet ya, Lily's told me great things about yall." Was that a bit of Southern draw there? Yee, it's so kawii, aru~!

"Nice to, like, meet you too! The names Alfons and this is Livvy," said brunette gave him a friendly grin, "this is Fritz, Maddie, and Angelo." The others waved at him, or in Angelo's case glommed, before we all settled down for food.

Nom Nom Nom the chow main!

"So, what is there to do around here anyways? My family and I only got here just yesterday." Andy asked between bites of his hamburger and chugs of his tea.

"Well there's blowing up Femward's car, reading yaoi, looking for live action yaoi, and fangirling." Livvy listed off as she flipped through the pages of her yaoi manga. "You forgot to mention my awesome and four meter-" Fritz was cut off with a slam to the back via of Maddie. Andy raised an eyebrow questioningly before asking, "What's yaoi?"

Oh damn, this guy is pretty innocent, aru. Even Fritz knows about yaoi and he is probably one of the manliest people of our group, the first being Livvy of course, but still.

How do we explain this without mentally scarring him?

* * *

><p><strong>Yes Lily how do you explain what yaoi is to someone, by telling them to look it up on the internet! I hope you all liked this chapter and as for the DenNor or SuFin kid I think if I make a sequeal to this I'll add them then (I still need to add France!) I hope you all liked the chapter! <strong>

**FLYING HAMBURGERS OF DOOM! **


	13. Chapter 12

**Disclaimer: I don't own Hetalia or Twilight! If I did there wouldn't be such thing as Bella Sue- I mean Swan (whoops) but Hetalia would still be the same (it's just too awesome to change.) The original idea for this story belongs to Phoenix- Fire Power so I'm not copying! **

**The Wall of Awesome: **

**teenbooks4ever**

**GothKat2SlashFan **

**Rose Thourn **

**Myrna Maeve **

**Youkai Ninja Of The Night**

**HK15: You guys are pure awesomeness! Thank you ssssooooo much for the reviews! France is showing up this chapter and as for the Angelo and Fritz moment (or moment?) I'm doing that separate. I'm not entirely sure what I'm going to call it but I'll figure it out. I hope you all like this!**

**Warning: This will contain pure and utter crack so, please, no flames on how this doesn't make any sense because neither does crack! You've been warn. **

* * *

><p>"Uh… are you sure you <em>really <em>want to know?" Livvy asked nervously as she fiddled with the hem of her green camisole. Maddie was fidgeting in her seat while Fritz looked ready to explode with mock laughter. Alfons, of course, was reading People magazine and didn't bother joining the very awkward very avoidable conversation.

Why me, aru?

"Hell yeah! Dude, is it a super hero?" Andy asked excitedly. Oh God this makes it even worse! It seems the only way to explain this to him without words is through pictures.

To the internet!

"Andy, do you have a smart phone, aru?"

"Yeah, ya wanna check it out?" He asked with even more enthusiasm. Damn it! He looks so adorable when he does- NIEN NIEN NIEN! Bad thoughts bad thoughts!

"Yep, aru, though you might want to delete the history after this is over, aru." I warned him. Last thing we need is for his parents to find he's been looking up some very hard core yaoi.

After being handed the Droid I went to google and typed in what I was looking for and handed him his phone back. It's now a matter of ti-

"What the hell! This- this," Please don't freak out please don't freak out please don't freak out!

"This… looks very familiar!" He declared loudly, making the other students stare at him. The rest of us went slack jawed, except for Angelo, who didn't know what yaoi was either. What in the name of -

"Hey, Lily, why is their drool all over your face?" Andy asked curiously. Quickly whipping away the saliva I answered, "I was thinking of beer cake, aru." That wasn't technically a lie.

"Andy, how does this look familiar?" Livvy was twitching like a giniepig .

Andy shrugged his shoulders, "Once, I walked in on my parents doing this only my dad had my mom in chains-" Slapping a hand over his mouth, and one over my nose, I nearly fangirled all over the table. Judging by the very loud sniffing, squeal, and the awkward giggles I wasn't the only one having an epic fangirl moment.

"No more, aru. I'm going to die of blood lose, aru." I said, though my voice was muffled by my hand, and not really wanting to say that out loud. Livvy was stuffing as many napikins up her nose as she could while Alfons' was buried his face in one of his many magazines, snickering like a nut ball. Maddie had passed out on the ground was being fanned by Fritz.

"Wow, what the hell happened to them? Did someone fart?" Andy asked. Angelo nodded in agreement as he looked on everyone with innocent confusion.

Oh God, I don't want to be the one to destroy his innocence, that would be worse than dumping a perfectly good bottle of beer and then dumping fresh wrust and then lighting all of it on fire.

In short, it's bad news people!

Grinning nervously, and trying to whip the blood off my face inconspicuous, I answered, "Uh… yeah someone did fart and it was Fem-"

Before I could finish my, awesome, trolling of Femward I felt something ram into me, knocking my fun size body out of my chair.

Damn it, I knew all those luls would come back to haunt me.

The rammer was like a bull chasing a tomato and I was the tomato. Before I realized it I was pinned against the cream walls of the cafeteria, the thing that head butted me was hard and cold and smelt of girlism. It could only be one thing, "Femward, aru!" I roared in rage, feeling a dull ache in my stomach, and the strongest itch to go Commander Shepherd on this dummkopf's ass.

I felt the perv start to nuzzle my neck and- did he just lick my neck?

… RAGE!

Pulling out my wok I elbowed him in the stomach and pushed him as far as I could manage. Holding my wok in the air I was about to make a swig for his head when a loud bang interrupted my awesome attack.

Femward was frozen in place; a bullet was wedged into the wall adjacent to him. Looking over at whoever just unleashed his or her's awesome and saw that it was Andy. He had a decently sized hand gun pointed at Edward's head from our table and had a murderous glare on his face.

Like Angelo, he scared the freaking crap out of me and I wasn't even the person he was marking for death.

"I don't think I made myself clear enough about leaving the little lady alone, I think I might need to take a different approach." I snarled and- was that an American flag flying behind him?

Maddie and Fritz were standing to his left and Alfons and Livvy were on his right, Angelo had grabbed a humongous white flag and was waving it so fast it looked like a white blur.

Shit just got serious, aru.

"This does not involve you, abomination." Femward shot back, looking back at Andy's green eyes with his gold ones. Fritz pulled out what looked like a saber and was pointing it at him with a grin that screamed for blood.

"Touch my cousin again and I will make you my bitch." Okay shit defiantly got serious; he didn't even use the word awesome in his speech.

The rest of the students were looking at us with confusion and worry, knowing a bloody, and awesome, fight would break out soon. Some of them were vacating the room while others watched from the sidelines, making bets on who would kick whose ass.

I put my money on Alfons, he has wicked nails of doom!

By now the rest of the Cullens had shown up, all standing behind Edward, all ready to defend his feminineness.

"We should take this somewhere else." Constipated One stated, the others nodded in agreement. The Group of Awesome, however, didn't. We would not fall for that little trick!

I took this as an opportunity to sneak my way back over to Andy and the others when I felt a hand grab my shirt sleeve. "Please, Lily, talk to me! I need you and you need me, please, just let me and my family talk to you. You don't understand what kinds of danger you will be in if you stay with these abominations. They were all born of two men and shouldn't be near you. Please, you need to not stop hanging out with them." He gave me this pained look but it was nothing to how I felt on the inside.

Did he- did HE- I'm so freaking speechless right now. He is trying to take me away from my friends and family just because they have two dads and are DIFFERENT!

"You little son of a bitch," he flinch at the flow language but I couldn't care less, "you really expect me to just leave my_ family_ and _friends _to be your sick little operation, aru? Well I've got news for you, pal, you can take that little speech of yours and shove it up your ass where it belongs, aru! And maybe, if this hasn't registered in that think head of yours, I was born of two men too so I guess that makes me unclean, aru! Well you know what, I would gladly be 'dirty' and be with them than be 'clean' and with your lot so FICK DICH, aru!" I then yanked my sleeve free and clubbed him over the head with my wok. He flew backwards and landed on the ground in a heap, groaning in pain.

For once, a dude groaning didn't inspire dirty thoughts from the rated R section of my brain.

Not even looking back I skipped back over to the Group of Awesome, still fuming and pissed, but glad to be away from the ban of my existence.

The rest of the Cullens crowded around Femward and tried to help him up; the student body had even left the cafeteria for no reason too.

Blondie stud up and growled, "How dare you hurt Edward! He didn't do anything to you and yet you hit him upside the head with a frying pan-" Before she could finish her little speech, much like her brother, I smacked her over the head with the wok.

I bare no sympathy for these idiots, aru. Grabbing her by the hair I pulled her head up to my level with a hard yank.

"I bare no sympathy for dummkopfs like you, Blondie, if I had it my way I would burn you all and turn your ashes into a new type of gun powder, aru. But not only would that be bad for my guns but it wouldn't be made in Germany, now would it, aru?" I asked sweetly as I gave an even stronger yank, making her scream out in pain.

This is too much fun, aru.

"Hey! Leave Rosalie alone!" Hulk roared as he made a grab for me only to meet the blunt end of my combat booted foot. Not being in the mood for taking on someone his size I threw Blondie down and dusted myself off.

"You only have her to blame, she was disrupting my play time, aru." I giggled as I gave them a demented look. The others to a step back before they made a leave for the door, but not before promising, "We'll get you back for this!"

They were met with another sadistic giggle from myself and spin chilling glares from the others. Or in Angelo's case flag waving.

Turning back to them with a sheepish grin I said, "Sorry about that, aru! That took longer than expected, though I wish I could have played longer, aru." I gave a small pout at that. Playing with the Cullens was fun, aru~!

Andy lowered his gun, Fritz re-sheathed his saber, Maddie hid her hockey stick, Livvy put away her skillet, Angelo lowered his flag, and Alfons stopped hissing and making weird hand motions with his hands.

"Dude, Lily, you had me worried there, I thought he seriously hurt you there." Andy padded over and placed a hand on my shoulder. Livvy nodded her head along with Maddie and Fritz looked at the door the Cullens left through murderously.

"To tell you the truth Andy, I think I was just too pissed off about what he said to really be scared, aru." I admitted, which was true. What Femward, in all of his weird and feminineness, had not only insulted my friends but also my family and that is a feat that is worthy of death.

I hate, not really, to stay this but I think it might be time to take this up with Papa and Onkel.

"Fritz, Maddie, I think we should tell Onkel and Papa about this, aru."

"What! Why?" They asked in unison.

"One, I want them to know where all the beers going, aru. Two, Papa won't let me near the special explosives unless I give him good reason for it, aru. Third, I think he might be able help us with information on how to make these dummkopf's lives hell, aru." I answered in a sugary voice.

Angelo raised an eyebrow and asked, "Wait, what does beer have anything to do with planning?"

Smiling brightly I said, "It helps with the planning by keep me from just waltzing up to them and lighting them all on fire, aru~!"

* * *

><p>… <strong>Edward has earned a place on my shit list too Lily. Now you can complete this one, unlike you bucket list, so yeah. I hope you all enjoyed this chapter (it took longer than expected because I had a video project and lots of homework) but enough of that. I'm already working on the Angelo and Fritz story that will be branching off from this story. If anyone has any suggestions or requests just review or PM me. THANK YOU MY LOYAL READERS!<strong>

**FLYING MATH_&(*^*%*&^ TANKS **


	14. Chapter 13

**Disclaimer: I don't own Hetalia or Twilight! If I did there wouldn't be such thing as Bella Sue- I mean Swan (whoops) but Hetalia would still be the same (it's just too awesome to change.) The original idea for this story belongs to Phoenix- Fire Power so I'm not copying! **

**The Wall of Awesome: **

**teenbooks4ever**

**GothKat2SlashFan **

**Rose Thourn **

**Myrna Maeve **

**Youkai Ninja Of The Night**

**HK15: …. You guy are pure amazingness! Thank you sooooooo much for the reviews and as for where in the name of hell France was last chapter, will be explained this chapter (sorry if it was unclear!). I hope you all enjoy this and, once again, THANK YOU FOR BEING THE BEST READERS IN THE UNIVERSE! **

**Oh, and this chapter will be partly in third person!**

**Warning: This will contain pure and utter crack so, please, no flames on how this doesn't make any sense because neither does crack! You've been warn. **

* * *

><p>To say Edward Cullen was having a bad day would be the biggest understatement of the year. First, the new kid, Jones he believes it was, had gotten his dirty hands all over <em>his <em>Lily. Second, said girl continued to ignore him and nearly exposed his family's secret. Third, whether he wants to admit it or not, he got his ass kicked by her in front of everyone. Fourth, some strangely perverse man continued to show up and bother his family.

The weird thing is that he disappeared not long after Edward started to hear this strange voice in his head. Personally he blames the rap music.

"Edward, why do you even bother with that human girl? Ever since she came you've been acting out and putting our family in danger." Rosalie muttered, peeved at her adoptive brother. The 'children' had driven home, not wanting to leave their vehicles within the vicinity of those monsters called teenagers, and wanting to hold onto what little dignity they had left.

Edward shot her an icy glare before he turned his attention back to the piano. The fake vampire just stared down at the ivory keys as he thought overly dramatic and depressing thoughts. Because all mysterious teenaged boy do this in their spare time, going out with friends and having a good time and not being emo isn't intriguing enough.

He didn't want to admit that the Beilschmidt girl, his biggest temptation, wasn't interested in him, because stacking someone and staring at them for hours on end wouldn't make someone uncomfortable at all.

Though he wondered, depressingly, who wouldn't be interested in him? He's Edward freaking Cullen after all who SPARKLES in the sun like a disco ball! He had the amazingly rare colored hair, the perfectly paled ivory skin that SPARKLES in the sun and is undamaged, and stunningly golden eyes.

Who wouldn't lay down their life, their dignity, their family, their friends, and pretty much everything else, for him? Well, apparently Lily and her other female companions… that gay boy Alfons, her cousin, and that random, messy looking boy. Edward shivered violently when he thought of those who didn't fall head over heels for others of the opposite sex.

To him, and all his sparkles, those who were like the Polish boy were freaks and unnatural.

"_Hon hon hon~ is someone having amour difficulties with the little Asian girl, non?" _A deeply accented voice resounded in the sparklepire's head. Said sparklepire's annoyance level rose even higher, he could see Jasper twitching in the background, as he shook his head and replied, **"I am not having problems with Lily! We are just having a little disagreement." **

A perversely creepy laugh echoed back at him in sick amusement, that and the sound of hundreds of screaming people, before it answered back. _"Come now, mon cher, you can't stay mad at the Country of Love now can you? Besides, you know I have full control over you and if it wasn't for me, petit Lily would be dead." _

Edward stiffened at the voice's point and completely ignored that whole 'Country of Love' comment, because that wasn't strange at all. It was true. If the strange… thing hadn't taken control and made him… be intimate with the half German then she would have been trained dry. That and he really did want to touch that beautiful olive toned skin. So pure, so flawless, so-

"_Hon hon~ getting frisky in the pants are we?" _

Looking down at his… _vial regions_ he saw that his _stuff_ was excited. Jasper was looking at him now with a raised eyebrow and looked as though he was trying to cover his own problem. Stupid empathy powers!

Alice looked at her husband and then at Edward with a pervy grin. 'Thinking of the nasty are we.' She thought towards him, earning a stern growl. His sister has been acting like this for years now and it was starting to worry him. A woman thinking for herself is against everything he believed in and, if he could, would eradicate from the very earth.

The voice then chuckled that creepy 'hon hon' chuckle before it teased, _"That whole speech about being perfect seems to be nothing now, non." _

"**Will you be quiet; it's your fault I'm like this! If it weren't for you Lily would be **_**mine **_**by now." **Edward thought back bitterly but the voice only chuckled back louder, it almost sounded like he was right next to him and- wait, was that a hand on his shoulder?

* * *

><p>"<em>Vait a minute! He did vhat now!"<em> Papa shouted back threw the phone. Holding it away from my ear I answered back, "Yep, aru, and that's why I need the heavy duty stuff, aru."

After having invited everyone over, I called Papa to ask for the pass code for his special artillery set. Lord knows we'll need it.

"_Alright, there is actually a surprise for you. It vas originally going to be a birthday present but it seems that it vill be an early gift. BE CAREFUL VITH IT!" _

"Don't worry Papa I'm fine with heavy artillery as long as I'm perfectly inebriated, aru." I said before hanging up and turning back to everyone with a grin.

"He said yes, aru! Now that predobear will pay for raping my neck, aru!" I cheered excitedly, I was practically bouncing. Oh how I love blowing shit up, especially when this shit is Femward. Lord knows what he does with it when he doesn't get his happy shot.

Livvy got this predatory glit in her eyes and Fritz gave a whoop of affirmation. Angelo seemed really nervous while Maddie looked at us with an unfazed expression. Can't she see that this plan is pure AWESOMENESS! Soon Femward will leave us alone for good and we'll never have to see his constipated face ever again.

"You sure this is a good idea, I mean he practically knocked you off your feet like you were a sack of feathers?" Andy asked. He had called his parents ahead of time and told them he was visiting a friend's house to keep them from walking in on our amazing plan.

From what he told us, his mom is very strict and probably wouldn't approve of the excessive and probably non needed explosives. His dad, on the other hand, would probably ask what we're blowing up and if he can help.

I wonder if he has met Onkel before, aru?

"Not to worry, that's what the awesome plan is for, aru." I cheered; the beer helps me think, before stating my very long, very overly ethicized plot to take down the Cullens.

"First, we're going to find their house, aru. Second, we'll lure them out of said house and sneak in like ninja pandas, aru. Third, we're going to steal their beer and wrust, aru. Fourth, we'll put charges everywhere, and yes even in their underwear drawers, aru. Fifth, if they have pandas held captive we will rescue them and give one to little Fille, who really wants a bear, aru. Lastly, we blow the place to hell and get the hell out of there, aru. Any questions?" I asked after listing off the AWESOME that is this plan.

Fritz and Livvy were twitching, wrust and beer man, while Maddie didn't look too sure about the whole 'let's blow this place to hell.'

Angelo was fidgeting and looked ready to run out of the living room.

"What if we're caught?" Maddie asked suspiciously.

Clicking my fingers together I answered back, "That's what the excessive amount of ammo's for, aru! If they walk in on us we distract them with a few AK 47s going off and we'll light the house up from a distance, aru."

She still didn't seem convinced but didn't make any more interjections.

Alfons was drumming his fingers on the coffee table before asking, "If they, like, have coffins can we, like, totally take them too?" Raising an eyebrow in confusion I nodded my head.

"Sure, why not, it would be the perfect place to put all the pandas, but why would they have coffins in the first place, aru? I mean I know they're creepy but not that creepy, aru."

"Just, like, a thought."

After that very weird and plot moving exchange, Andy agreed that we could soooo handle taking down the Cullens on our own, until we got a phone call.

"Guten Tag?" From the very thick smell of beer and wrust I could tell it was Papa on the other line, that and we had caller ID. I find it really weird that I can smell people's breathe through the phone.

Maybe Papa had it installed to keep the beernappers away. You can tell if they are by the lack of beer on their breath, that's why they're trying to steal your beer in the first place!

"_Lily, I just remembered something, as much as ve all vant to, you can't destroy the Cullen's estate." _

I started to twitch and make sounds that could only be created by a dying panda. WHY!

"Why not, aru! Half of what the perv did could be labeled as saturator rape in some states, aru."

"_They made a contract that as long as they don't drink human blood they vill not be harmed, so far they haven't made any offences that have been documented." _Papa didn't sound too happy about the whole 'contract' thingy or the 'document' thingy. Oh and apparently the Cullens ar- WHAT?

"Wait a minute, aru! Did you say they were vampires, aru?" I asked loudly. I'm sure the neighbors, if we had any, hear it like I was in their very house. Or in their bathroom.

It depends on where they are in the house, aru.

"_Ja. If figured you could use that to keep Lester Jr. away until I can find a loop hole. Keep in mind though, they vill probably go after you and the others so keep your mouth shut." _Papa instructed sternly. Damn, this must be pretty serious.

Wanting to put him at ease I promised I wouldn't go after them… as long as they didn't go after me or anyone of the Group of Awesome.

After that we hung up and I told everyone the news. Fritz and Livvy were very disappointed, they had been really pumped for some Femward Hunting, while Maddie seemed to relax more. Angelo had put his flags away, which he pulled out half way through my conversation with Papa, and started '~ve~'ing away about pasta and that we should go get some.

I have to agree with him on that one, aru.

Alfons was neutral about the whole 'we aren't going to be kicking some serious spraklpire ass' this evening and went back to brushing his hair.

Andy seemed to be a bit relieved yet disappointed. Relieved because no one would have the possibility of getting hurt, disappointed because we couldn't use that large amount of ammo we had gathered.

You would be pretty surprise where you can find this stuff; I found most of mine under the couch cushions.

"Ve~ come on guys, let's go get some pasta!" Angelo said gleefully. Everyone nodded; all this planning of destruction could really work of an appetite, and made our way out of the house and to the cars, or in my, Fritz, Maddie, and Angelo's case, tank.

I really think I need to name it, aru.

With the thought of pasta, pandas, beer, and naming my tank in mind we set out for nom noms. Ready to om nom nom anything in our path.

* * *

><p>… <strong>FRANCE! *runs away* Writing Edward's emoness has made me a bit emo lately (it's hard to write something emo when you yourself are not emo) so I had to get in that mind set. My God have people told me to stop doing that. Anyways I hope you all liked my reveling of FRANCE! *runs away again* Let's see what happens next chapter when the Group of Awesome gets that pasta. <strong>

**FLYING PASTA TANKS! **


	15. Chapter 14

**Disclaimer: I don't own Hetalia or Twilight! If I did there wouldn't be such thing as Bella Sue- I mean Swan (whoops) but Hetalia would still be the same (it's just too awesome to change.) The original idea for this story belongs to Phoenix- Fire Power so I'm not copying! **

**The Wall of Awesome: **

**teenbooks4ever**

**GothKat2SlashFan **

**Rose Thourn **

**Myrna Maeve **

**Youkai Ninja Of The Night**

**HK15: …. THANK YOU! You guys are pure awesomeness (Prussia Aproved!) All of you have made writing this crackness all the more fun and I can't think of a better way to say thank you than to post the next chapter. This will have some plot development (a very awesome plot panda helped me) and will explain why France would degrade himself to the point of being inside Femward's head. **

**P.S. The chick who wrote My Immortal is back so beware! Hide your brains, hide your sanity! **

**Warning: This will contain pure and utter crack so, please, no flames on how this doesn't make any sense because neither does crack! You've been warn. **

* * *

><p>France is not amused… <em>at all<em>. First, he finds himself sucked out of his world and into this bland mess of a universe. Second, he can't find the other nations. Third, he's stuck in the head of some creeper boy who thinks he's a vampire. Fourth, said creeper is trying to get his soggy paws all over Germany's kid.

As Prussia would say, Mein Gott!

"This is not working; I need to find a way out." He concluded. If he and the other nations were ever going to get out of here he would need to wake them up. Judging by the fact nor China or Germany haven't unleashed World War Three yet could only mean they haven't the slightest clue who they are.

Well, seems like the Frenchie will be the hero this time and he'll make England kiss his feet for it, and maybe some other pla- _No! Must concentrate!_

Looking through the eyes of Edward, and channeling his inner predo, he saw that the fake vampires were gathered around the kitchen table, all with serious frowns on their faces except for a very tiny girl and a strange blonde haired boy.

"Edward, can you tell me more about the Beilschmidt girl." The blonde one, Doctor Cullen if France remembered correctly, looked towards Edward. Said constipated male gave him a… constipated look? Seriously, not even Hong Kong is this expressionless!

"She has undeniable strength, very free willed, and has the strongest hold on her alcohol." He said in a very depressed voice- oh, God, did France just defile himself by making his thought speech sound like something out of a Tara Gilesbie fanfic? If so, when he gets out of this creeper's head, he'll need to bleach himself thoroughly and burn his clothes.

"I see, is there anything about the group she spends her time with?"

"They are- horrible! They are rude, uncouth, and let their women roam free without any control- I mean help." Edward shook his head, and succeeded in making a certain French man very dizzy, before continuing his very slanted analyzes.

"One of them, Elivabeta Hedervary, has blood red eyes, along with another boy that appears to be Lily's cousin. She, like Lily, has uncanny strength and is quiet violent and is always muttering something about this thing called 'Yaoi'."

Carlisle nodded his head in remembrance; he had to pay for a new car that year, before turning his attention to Jasper, his very mischievous looking son. What happened to his constipated expression? Ah, whatever, it's nice having s_omething _out of the ordinary every now and then… right?

"Jasper, you told me there is something aloof with this girl's cousin. Could you enlighten us?" France, mentally digging himself a grave, cringed. Do these people ever use an adjective more than once?

"Yes. He's in my History class and is… quiet self loving." France saw the Jasper boy grin crookedly at the 'self loving' comment before continuing, "He has silver hair and abnormally pale skin and, like Edward said, has crimson eyes."

Edward was twitching heavily, making poor France get shaken up, before he added, "And was born of two men." His voice was full of malice and foreboding depression. Okay, France could push away his headache, vomit, possible depression pills from all this emoness, and all the shaking for this little comment. France, being the Country of Love, didn't care what someone's sexual orientation was because, in the end, love was love and as long as it's true there was nothing wrong with it.

Before the Frog could make some comment to the sparkpire with his 'French Telepathy' the very small girl with very small features chirped in an irritated tone, "Edward, get over it, she doesn't like you so stop making excuses."

This, of course, made a more than usual constipated look get even more constipated. Is that even possible?

"Alice," he growled in warning and gave her the evil eye but was rewarded with evil smirk. What is with all this evilness and eyes and smirks? France is now very confused.

"Edward, leave Alice alone, besides she made a valid point." Jasper defended his wife- girlfriend- special person… what is she again?

Sparkle Boy gave her an irritated frown before slumping in a very unEdwardish way. France sighed; this was going to be a long mission to bring back the countries.

* * *

><p>"~Ve~ Nom Nom Nom Nom!"<p>

…. I don't even know or want to, aru.

After the news we received about not being allowed to blow up the Cullens we decided to go get some pasta. Angelo had been kind enough to suggest a place his 'mom' and uncle owned so we got the nom noms half price.

The restaurant was really warm and cozy with lots of Italian flags and old, black and white pictures. The place was packed with loads of people, all either stuffing their faces or talking loudly amongst themselves.

Right at the moment everyone at our table was chowing down on the noodle of their choice and enjoyed the randomness of each other.

"-so I told them, crap, I dropped my fish and it went to join its fishy buddies to laugh at me behind my back. Now I'm the laughing stock of that pond and those fish haven't let me live the day down." Andy pouted as he talked of his fishing trip with his dad.

Slightly confuse Maddie decided to change the very confusing subject to something else.

"Thanks for pasta Angelo!" She grinned brightly. Everyone nodded in agreement, this was the shit.

Angelo smiled, "Don't thank me, thank my Mama, he was the one that made all this."

As if on cue a tall, compared to me, dude with short mahogany brown hair and a small baby bump walked out of the kitchen with a few more pasta dishes. "Feliciano, bastard, will hurry up we have more customers!" A man barked loudly from the register. His hair was darker than Angelo's mama but they both had the same hazel eyes.

To my surprise the man, who looked pretty much like a girl from a distance, didn't so much as flinch or pull out a white flag, that's something Angelo would likely do, but instead just rolled his closed eyes and continued to hand out everyone's food.

"~Ve~ Fratello your scaring people with your bad words," he chided but it seemed half hearted. When he saw us he waved and made a few soft 've' noises.

"So *munch* is that *munch* your mom *munch*?" Andy asked with a full mouth of spaghetti. Everyone wrinkled their noses when they saw bits of meatball fall back on his plate. As much as I like you Andy I'm very picky about people chewing with their mouths open.

Alfons closed his jaw and gave Angelo a potent look. "So is, like, your mom pregers?"

Angelo nodded his head vigorously and looked as though he might explode. I'm not entirely sure what from though, aru.

"Yep, I can't wait to meet my new fratello!" He chirped happily as he bounced in his seat. Clapping him on the back with Tia Shan I commented, "You're going to love being a big brother, aru. Back in Phoenix I have a baby sister named Tanya and there's nothing better than having someone's hair to braid, aru!"

He looked at me quizzically, maybe he doesn't want to braid his baby brother's hair, but smiled anyways.

Huh, I think all this beer has finally started to shrink my brain, aru.

"Angie, where is your dad anyways, we never seem to see him?" Fritz asked after a very long moment of silence. Man that was awkward, aru.

Angelo's big hazel eyes saddened a little and he looked down at his empty plate. "My Papa is in the hospital, he's in a coma." His voice was really quiet, you practically had to put your ear right next to his mouth in order to hear him… and that's what we did. We all put our ears right next to his mouth.

Fritz flinched and Maddie slapped her twin over the head with her hockey stick, "You dummkopf! I'm sorry Angelo; Fritz skipped his happy meds today."

Angelo shuck his head super fast, it looked like a blur, before he blurted out, "~Ve~ N-no it's not his fault, he didn't know."

Just then, the door to the restaurant flew open, surprisingly not off the hinges, with a loud bang. The other customers all looked up, along with the Group of Awesome, and saw a group of tall, teenage boys. Let's just say they were the spoons of the Incredible Hulk!

All of them had dark skin and ultra toned bodies. As far as muscle they were even bigger than Andy!

"We have come for your om nom noms!" They shouted in unison. Angelo's uncle screamed, "~Chigi~ what the crapola are you doing here you stupid bastards?" He then pulled out a huge create of tomatoes, yum yum, and started chucking them at the invaders. Surprisingly enough I don't think these invaders are in for the vital regions.

Well, now I can't clime on someone shoulders and start pelting people with soy sauce, aru.

From our hiding spot under our table, Andy commented, "Damn, your uncles awesome!"

Fritz twitched and started chanting something along the lines of 'no ones awesomer than me' and 'my awesome is my awesome only.'

Livvy looked out from under the table and started chucking knives at the random dudes.

I want to join too, aru!

Picking up Tia Shan, I undid the sticking in her back and pulled out a few bottles of soy sauce. "Who wants some, aru!"

* * *

><p>… believe me you <em>really <em>don't want to know what the hell happened back there… okay, fine, I'll tell you what happened but I refused to do a flash back!

So I guess those dudes that showed up and demanded nom noms were shape shifting nuts that liked to rob restaurants of their food. Well, they picked the wrong place to demand nom noms.

Angelo's uncle, Lovino, when ape shit and took them out with tomatoes while Angelo's mom used his white flags of doom. After a bit of awesome knife throwing from Livvy I started handing out soy sauce to the others for weaponry.

I think Alfons nailed one in the vital regions, aru.

Anyways, after a very long battle against the Nomers, we finally managed to drive them out with the soy.

Now that everyone's gone home, even Fritz and Maddie who usually stay at my house, I decided to do what I usually do and that's-

"Lily!"

… never mind.

"Coming Papa, aru!" I shouted as I closed and whipped the history of my laptop before heading down stairs. In the other room I could hear the sound of a bottle of beer being opened.

"Papa, aru?" I asked with my shortness. He looked up from the kitchen table and threw a giant packet of paper. He succeeded in knocking me down and onto my toshy.

"Owie, aru! Papa, what is this?" I asked curiously after recovering from the packet of doom. After giving me a once over for paper cuts and apologizing he answered, "That would be the treaty that was made with the Cullens and the loop hole."

* * *

><p><strong>Dun dun dun! I finally finished! I'm sooooo sorry I took me sooooo long to finish this but with all the homework I've been given and my finals are coming up so… I'm busy. Hope this makes up for the lateness of this chapter! <strong>

**FLYING TOMATOES AND HOLY CRAPOLA!**


	16. Chapter 15

**Disclaimer: I don't own Hetalia or Twilight! If I did there wouldn't be such thing as Bella Sue- I mean Swan (whoops) but Hetalia would still be the same (it's just too awesome to change.) The original idea for this story belongs to Phoenix- Fire Power so I'm not copying! **

**The Wall of Awesome: **

**teenbooks4ever**

**GothKat2SlashFan **

**Rose Thourn **

**Myrna Maeve **

**Youkai Ninja Of The Night**

**HK15: Ugh, sorry for the late update. Thanks to the wonderful finals *hear the sarcasm* I've fallen behind on most of my stories so it's going to take me awhile to update. On a brighter note I pass with all A's and B's (Booya) so thank you for the support! **

**Well that's all from me, enjoy the crack! **

**Warning: This will contain pure and utter crack so, please, no flames on how this doesn't make any sense because neither does crack! You've been warn. **

* * *

><p>It's been nearly two weeks since the incident in the cafeteria and restaurant. From what Angelo's mama told us, the culprits are a gang of wanna be werewolves that live in the Indian Reservation not far from Forks. Apparently they like to invade the vital regions of restaurants and steal all the om noms they can find, or smell. It depends on the time of day.<p>

I really need to think of some cracktastic jokes for them, aru.

Anyways, something has made me curious. Before I came here I was told Forks was the blandest, most wrist cut worthy place in the US and yet there's all this weird supernatural crap happening.

Note to self, never trust Google Map for brief information on locations, aru.

Currently, Papa and I are looking through the contract thingy between The Cullens and the Police Department. I know what you're all thinking; why in the name of hell would the Police Department of a small town make a contract with fairies? Well, to be frank, Papa really likes making contracts and making people sign them... while he holds a gun to their heads.

Yeah, I so didn't get my violent streak from him, aru.

"Papa, you found a loophole yet, aru?"

Sighing, exhausted, he shook his head, "Nein, not yet Lily."

Slamming my head on the table I gave a gravely growl. I think I might have learned something from those wanna be werewolves.

"Those dummkopfs, aru! How the hell did they manage to fit so many adjectives into this damned thing, aru?" I mumbled into the wood.

One of these days, I'm going to find the person that thought making a contract with a superfluous amount of adjectives and make them eat a thesaurus.

No, they won't get soy sauce with it either, aru!

"Lily, you do realize I vas drunk vhen this vas sighed, try reading it vhen the papers vouldn't even stay on the table."

"Why did you make this when you were drunk, aru?"

"Because the Department vas having a small version of October Fest and my beer dar vhen off."

"Is it like my baby dar, aru?" I asked after lifting my head off the table.

"… Your vhat?"

Cocking my head to the side I explained, "Whenever there's a baby in the vicinity, my baby dar goes off and tells me where they are so I can gloom them, aru."

Raising an eyebrow he muttered something under his breath along the lines of 'Vhat the hell has Yao been teaching her' and 'Vhere the hell does she come up vith these things?'

Sometimes, I wonder the same thing, aru.

Looking down at one of the pages, barley skimming over the overly described contract, something caught my eye.

"Hey, Papa, I think I might have found something, aru!" I chirped.

Leaning over the table to take a look, his un-jelled back hair falling in his face, his sleepy blue eyes widened.

"_In the cruel, vhimsical, eloquent name of degraded justice," _He read aloud,_ "ve, the Cullen Family vould raise our placid hands against sexually harassing, ungodly predigest against other individuals, and if, in the eloquent event that one of our family, our vhimsical coven, should make the ungodly misdoing of going against these promises, vill be punishable, cruelly, by banishment and public humiliation.." _

… "FUCK YEAH SPARKLE SPARKLE SPARKLE, ARU!"

"Lily, vhat have I told you about saying fuck?" Papa scolded.

Cocking my head to the side like a hamster I inquired, "To use it when the moment calls for it, aru?" Face palming he just waved me away. I could tell he was tired, that and there was this strange blue background that popped out of nowhere.

"Forget it, how about ve just get some sleep." He then proceeded to drag himself out of his seat and into this room on the top floor. Shrugging my itty bitty shoulders I followed in suit.

"Night Papa, aru~!" I chirped before closing the door for the night, ready for the second most awesome thing in the world and, no, it is not yaoi.

"Gute Nacht, Lily, and don't look at yaoi on the computer, you have school tomorrow!"

"Okay, but I can't promise the pandas won't steal our beer though, aru."

"… Vhat?" He asked, in total confuzlement. Yes, I invented that word… not really, aru.

"I think the author is just making random dialog to keep the readers from seeing that's she's finally cracked, aru." I answered backed through the closed door. I'm too lazy to open it and have a normal conversation with him.

"Should ve just go to sleep?"

"Yep, otherwise she'll start unleashing anarchy and I promise Mama I wouldn't, aru."

"Alright then, just get in the covers and hopefully this vill be over."

Nodding my head, though he couldn't see, I hoped under the panda printed covers and switched off the panda themed lights.

Time for a convent sleep sequence, aru!

* * *

><p>… There is something wrong with the force, aru.<p>

It's almost as if someone took out all the beer and wrust awesomeness and replaced it with foreboding, depressing madness. Worst of all, there are no pandas!

Cracking my eyes a little, I saw a very blurry white thing. It was so blurry in fact that I almost thought it was a tentacle monster from that yaoi I was reading the other d- WAIT!

… I'll stop right there to protect the innocent, aru.

Anyways, the white thing was just standing there, completely still, and starting at me. No, it couldn't be a tentacle monster. Last I checked this was a spoof series so there's no way it could be something kinky.

Opening my eyes fully I let out a blood curtailing war cry.

"WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING IN MY ROOM, ARU!" I screamed as I threw panda plushies at the creeper. I'll give you three words to explain what this monstrosity is.

Femward. Weirdo. Cullen.

I jumped out my bed and clobbered him to the ground in one swoop. "Get out get out my room my dummkopf, aru!" He put his hands up in defense but it was no match for my wok.

"Please – ah! Stop Lily- Owch! Will you listen to me- ow!"

Suddenly the door flew open with a loud bang. Papa marched in with only his boxers and tank top on. "Vhat the hell is going on here!" Papa was holding a shotgun in the firing position and his eyes got this scary look in them.

Well, this is turning into an interesting evening, aru.

Picking Femward up by the collar of his pink polo I growled like a hungry panda, "He was watching me while I was sleeping, aru!"

Papa's scary look got even worse. He walked over to where I had Femward pinned and placed a hand on my shoulder. "Lily, why don't you go back to sleep. Your Papa needs to take out the trash."

Nodding my head vigorously I hopped off the Femward, but not before I kicking him in the nuts. Papa stocked over to him and grabbed him by the collar of his shirt. "Okay Papa, make sure there's lots of blood and guts, aru~!"

Nodding his head, he started to drag the creeper out of my panda themed room and down the stairs. With that I cuddled with Tai Shan, the wonderful sound of pained screams lulled me to sleep.

* * *

><p>Ludwig was beyond furious. There wasn't a word in a thesaurus or dictionary to describe how disgusted he was with the Cullen clan. Well, now he had ammo to finally drive them away for good. As promised he took out the trash, thanks to Gilbert and the resent stress the can was overflowing with beer cans. Oh- then he took care of Femward. In his rage he dislocated Edward's shoulder, broke his knee caps with a wrench, and shaved his hair. He even made it a point to break his nose, so that girls everywhere would never fall for such a face.<p>

Ludwig wasn't feared by most of the male population for nothing.

Not even bothering to take the cruiser to the Cullen's mansion, the blonde dragged the creeper the entire way through the forest, deliberately going over the sharpest of rocks and the smelliest of animal droppings. The German man was cursing him and giving the brick haired boy to fear.

"You vorthless piece of shit, vhat the hell vere you thinking? Vatching my child sleep!" He roared, making the Cullen flinch. He had never felt so much pain in his entire life, besides when he was changed by Carlisle, but this was completely different.

This man was not human.

_Finally, I found him! _

Before the creeper could utter a plea of mercy he felt himself being suck away from the world.

Femward closed his gold eyes and then reopened them. They were now a shocking blue.

"Germany~!" Edward's voice was now different; there wasn't a hint of self loathing or depression in it. The blonde looked down at the redhead and found the air around him had done a complete three sixty. Now it smelt of chocolate and- was that manliness?

"Cullen?"

"Germany, it's me, France, how could you mistake me for that passionless buffoon!" 'France' cried in outrage. He even flipped his hair, that wasn't that long, for good measure. Honestly, how could someone mistake the Country of Love and Passion for _that? _

Ludwig raised an eyebrow before dropping 'France', said male gave another cry of outrage. "This better not be some joke, how do I know you're not just fooling with me?"

Dusting himself off with his functioning arm 'France' got on his tip toes and started to stroke his chest. Humming, he smirked up at the German's face, which now looked like a tomato. "~Hon hon hon, would Edward Cullen make such a move, Luddy?"

Pushing the love crazed male off his person, and vowing to burn his uniform when he got home, he started to scrutinize the events. Whoever this person was they certainly weren't Edward Cullen. From what the German man knew, Edward was a straight as a pole and didn't have affection for other men… or so he says. No one's too sure about that one. Hm, and then there was the eye color change, last Ludwig checked their eyes could only change from red, to gold, to black.

Now that he thinks about it, why is their eye color much like the German flag?

Taking a deep breath, Ludwig made a decisions he hopped he wouldn't regret later. "France, care to tell me vhy you called me Germany."

Flashing another smirk the other started to make that laugh that sent chills up his spin. "Of course, _mon cher_, hon hon hon hon~."

* * *

><p><strong>And so I'm done! Sorry this took so long to finish ( I was starting to run into writers block) and I've been working on my other stories… and made little progress -_-. Oh well, enough of my complaining. The story will be ending at chapter twenty two or so (I haven't finalized that yet) but I just wanted to say thank you to all those who helped me and reviewed! You're all awesome! <strong>

**FLYING BEER AND FRENCH PEOPLE! **


	17. Chapter 16

**Disclaimer: I don't own Hetalia or Twilight! If I did there wouldn't be such thing as Bella Sue- I mean Swan (whoops) but Hetalia would still be the same (it's just too awesome to change.) The original idea for this story belongs to Phoenix- Fire Power so I'm not copying! **

**The Wall of Awesome: **

**teenbooks4ever: Thanks, half of what I wrote was improvised so that would explain the randomness. **

**GothKat2SlashFan: As always thank you and yes, flying beer is awesome, but not flying French people (no offence to French people!) **

**Rose Thourn: I know, how didn't they notice the obvious loophole? I bet my money on them having one too many beers. xD **

**Dark-Wing-Blader: Thank you!**

**CookiiRoxzXD00****: Oh, cookies! Can I haz one? **

**NekoAmi1216: Ah, yes, when I first read this to my brother (who hates Twilight, I honestly don't blame him) I had him looking at me weird and asking if I need to see a specialist. -.- **

**VengefulMothSlayer****: Will do~**

**Mythology Lover 831****: Thank you! Ah, Gilbird, don't eat me! XD I hope this chapter means I live another day to eat my cabbage! **

**HK15: …. I'M SO SORRY THIS IS LATE! I had a lot going on with my family so I didn't have much time to work on this. On a brighter note, thanks for the reviews (that chapter was fun to write)! All of a sudden I have the hugest urge to bust out singing "Mien Gott" and steal a little yellow bird and name it Gilbird… I don't even know. Maybe it was the resent cosplaying and wurst that brought that on… *shrug* Anyways I hope you guys enjoy the chapter! **

**P.S. I'm almost finished with the character pictures; I'll have them on my deviantART page as soon as I get my scanner fixed…. And my friend Guardian Bear says hello *she is the ever changing Spain and South Korea of our group* **

**Warning: This will contain pure and utter crack so, please, no flames on how this doesn't make any sense because neither does crack! You've been warn.  
><strong>

* * *

><p>The next day I woke up and found myself buried under a pile of panda plushies, one was even in my mouth! Surprisingly enough the sun had deiced to grace the normally depressing town with light, which made me smile. Even with a mouth full of plushie the day was good. Yay, no emo settings for us today!<p>

Rolling out of bed and onto the floor, like normal, and taking the panda plushie out of my mouth, I skipped down the stairs and into the kitchen. Papa was probably at work, or cleaning up after _taking care_ of Femward, so I wouldn't be seeing him until later tonight. Darn, I wanted to ask what happened with the creeper last night.

Anyways, time for the om noms!

Thankfully, Papa had made some chow main the other day and had left some leftovers. Swinging the door of the old fridge open and started rummaging through the packages wurst, I finally found my prize. Not even bothering to heat up the noodle goodness I pulling a pair of chopsticks out the air (because I'm awesome like that), sat my pajama clad booty in my seat, and started pigging out.

I think I've been spending too much time with Andy, now I'm getting his eating habits, aru!

"Nom nom nom the chow main, aru~!" I hummed as I terrorized the noodles and Bochco. All I need is some beer to wash it all down.

_Knock Knock _

What the- were those the beer angels descending from Heaven? If so, then I totally scored and have good timing!

Skipping over to the door, chow main and chop sticks still in hand, I flung the door open.

"Little Lady!" I was eminently pulled into the bear hug, the hugger being none other than Andy. The hyperactive blonde was squeezing me so hard I think he cracked my back. Oh well, I'll get a new one later.

"Andy, aru, not to sound rude or anything but what are you doing here and cracking my back, aru?"

"I have news about Femward and- is that food I smell?" He chirped as he plopping me on his broad shoulders. Andy started to wander into my house, a very inquisitive and determined look on his face, and stopped at the kitchen. Looking down from my perch on his shoulders, I inquired, "Do you want anything, aru? We have some wurst, chow main, beer, more wurst, and pancake stuff, aru."

"Yeah, pancakes sound good, but after that can I tell you about Femward?"

Nodding my head supper fast, and making myself dizzy, I chirped a, "Hell yeah!" before stumbling over to the fridge.

Andy had asked if he could help, what a gentleman. "Sure, but do you want yours with beer or wurst in them?"

He nodded his head, "Heck yeah, duddet, I've never had beer in pancakes before, but that's because my Mum can't hold his alcohol well."

"Really, I thought everyone had beer in their food?" I murmured as I added some flower into the bowl. Even when I lived with Mama he would let me have beer, but that was mostly because I would start making a strange growling noise. It doesn't happen as much anymore, now that I have at least thirteen beers a day, but I do it mostly scare people.

All in the name of making people uncomfortable, aru.

Andy then picked up the bowl of batter and started to stir it rather fast. Some of the gooey batter started spilling out.

"Andy, aru! Please reframe from making a mess, aru!"

"Oh come on, Lil, it's not that bad!" He crowed and started stirring faster, if possible.

… It was that bad, aru.

By the time we had finished making one pancake the entire kitchen was covered in batter, burnt cakes, and beer. Our clothes were caked in batter and flower. Well, I now have something to clean and be productive about today, aru.

Andy and I were sitting at the table, noming on our single pancake, as he told me about the news that brought him over.

"Well, from what my Dad gathered, they seem to move around a lot and when I mean a lot I mean A LOT!"

So the Cullens move to lots? "So they move to lots, aru?" I inquired after taking a bite.

Shaking his head he answered, "No, well, sort of, they never stay in one place for too long because they can't age is what I mean."

Giving a small grunt in understanding I licked my fork. "Do you think they have any weakness, aru? Last I checked, vampires burn in the sunlight and hate garlic."

He shook his head. "Nah, these ones are really weird, dudette. Like, they freaking sparkle in the sunlight and can go near garlic and don't need to be invited in your house-"

"Wait, wait, aru! They can go near garlic?"

"'friad so, Lils." Giving off a deflated sigh, I started to space out. Well, if they can go near garlic then that means I bought that crap lode of it for no reason.

Damn it, aru.

Maybe Angelo's family would want some, I'll have to ask them next time I see him at school.

"Well they must have weakness, everything does, aru!"

"They do. Can you guess what it is?"

"Andy, this is not the time for guessing games, aru."

"Oh come on, it'll be totally awesome!" Giving a sigh, with was tiny, I decided if I was going to get the information, and put Andy a peace, I would play the game.

Deciding to go with the normal mythology, I asked. "Is it a steak to the heart, aru?" His eyes went wide.

"No, meat can't go through sparkles!" He exclaimed loudly, making the small house shake. Oh no! The house isn't earthquake proofed!

"Andy, please be careful, aru! My house isn't earthquake proofed, aru!" I chided as I started inching myself under the kitchen table.

Just in case, aru.

"Okay, sorry, I can't help it though." He pouted but continued. "But you're getting warmer; the thing I'm talking about is red."

Hm, something that is red and kills sparklepires? Let's see…

"Tomatoes, aru?"

"Nope!"

"Red paint, aru?"

"Nope!"

"The Chinese flag, aru?"

"… no… are you even trying?"

Giving a shake of my head from under the table I chirped, "Nope, aru~!"

Finally giving in he told me what could destroy a sparkly thingy. "Fire and tearing them apart!"

… Okay, aru…

"Alright then, aru…. Doesn't that apply to pretty much everything, aru?" This is very confusing, whatever happened to go old fashion driving a piece of wood through an undead fiend's heart?

Andy nodded his head, "You think that's weird, they don't even drink human blood! From what my dad told me they only drink the blood of animals, that's why their eyes are gold." He explained as he took the second to last bit of our shared pancake.

Now even more confused, like a baby panda, I exclaimed, "Wow, aru…. Are you sure these are vampires we're talking about, aru, not some strange knock off that people make for easy money, aru?" He shook his head.

"Nope, that would require thought, and whoever created them put little to no thought or research into them… If we lived in a world that had the sort of stuff, pfff~," Andy laughed, making me cower under the table even more. I'm too small to die, aru!

After the light fixtures stopped swaying and the cracking of wood stopped cracking I piped up again. "So… is there anything else you know about these creepers, aru?"

He scrunched his face in thought before exclaiming, "They sparkle in the sunlight!"

There was a very long, and overly drawn out silence.

"They… what, aru?"

"The Cullen's sparkle in the sunlight like walking disco balls, they don't burn like normal ones!" He repeated, thankfully not laughing and destroying my house, as I took in this new development.

… What kind of sick universe do I live in, aru?

Half of what I was just told doesn't match up with more detailed and well thought out explanations for vampires. Normally, and due to my smallness, I would have just brushed it off as something only a loony would come up with but- this was different!

"This is… horrible, aru! Who in their right mind allowed this to happen, aru!" I threw my hands up, and promptly hit them on the table.

Andy nodded his head in agreement. "I know, it even surprised me, and I'm the Hero here!"

"What should we do then, school won't start back up until a convent plot point comes up-"

_**Bam!** _

… I think I just jinxed us, aru.

My front door had been completely destroyed, the perpetrator having run through it like it was sugar free jello. The wood had been hit so hard that there weren't even pieces left; just dust and glass particles that had once been my door. The knob having lost all its metallic- Wait, what? Did my narrative just get its vital regions invaded?

"Wow…"

Standing in front of us was none other than… a Cullen. He looked at us from the entrance hallway before muttering a, "Finally found you," before… just standing there and doing nothing? I'm oh so confused.

"What, aru?"

The blonde, and not as constipated looking, sparklepire sighed before inquiring, "May I please speak with ya?"

* * *

><p>Jasper Hale has always known there was something different about him. Ever since Lily Beilschmidt had come to Forks he had started to notice thing were changing.<p>

First, he didn't feel others emotions as strongly as he used to.

Second, his lust for blood had dwindled and he has sudden cravings for homemade chili in that same time frame.

Third, his Southern Draw was starting to show more than usual.

Forth, and probably the most disturbing, is that, every so often, he can faintly hear the beating of a heart coming from where his should be.

Jasper was startled by these changes, especially the one about wanting chili. He's been a vampire since the Civil War and not once has had the sudden need for the food, let alone beans and meat. That and he was a sparlepire, but it was mostly the latter that really creped him out.

He had reframed from asking Carlisle about the new development, knowing full well that Edward would read him mind and start acting… out of character.

In a fit of worry he thought of doing his own research, even if it only leads to more questions and dead ends.

Now, here he was, at the Forks Public Library, hiding from his family members, in search for answers on Wikipedia. The library was fairly old and smelt of old books and mold, the days he's glad to be a vampire, otherwise he would get sick.

_**Thump thump **_

Or at least he thinks he is.

Shaking his head he returned to his research.

_There has to be something,_ he thought to himself. _This had to of happened to someone else, and knowing how other vampires act, there is bound to be something on Wiki! _

As his fingers flew across the keyboard, he could help but think back on some other curious happenings. For one, besides his sudden need for chili, his wife had been exhibiting out of character qualities. For one she actually took her time with doing her homework, even though she's been in school for years and already knows the answers. Her normally bubbly, accent free voice started to get a slight draw. She even gave most her clothes to charity!

Either his wife just had an epiphany or there is something seriously wrong. He honestly hoped it was the first one!

Turning his attention back to the shabby computer screen his eyes widened in shock.

In bold letters the screen read "Are You the Personification of a State?"

Strange, he had never seen this page before, and he spends most of his nights either reading up on the Civil War or spending time with Emmet and Alice. Well, it couldn't hurt to take a look.

* * *

><p><strong>AND I FINISHED IT! I'M SOOOOOO SORRY I TOOK MORE THEN A MONTH TO COMPLETE THIS! Anyways, now that I have that out of my system, I would like to thank those that reviewed, favorite, or put this story on their alerts. Well, I guess I'll leave the story here. Hopefully with the next chapter it won't take me an entire month to finish like this one -.-. <strong>

**OMG! IT'S A FLYING TEXAS! **


	18. Chapter 17

**Disclaimer: I don't own Hetalia or Twilight! If I did there wouldn't be such thing as Bella Sue- I mean Swan (whoops) but Hetalia would still be the same (it's just too awesome to change.) The original idea for this story belongs to Phoenix- Fire Power so I'm not copying! **

**HK15: Hello everyone! Man, we're a few chapters away from finishing this. I've finally decided to have a cut off at chapter twenty one (I don't know why but I think it would be a good place to end the story). I would like to thank my reviewers and readers for being patient with me, with my weird updating speeds and random plot line, but like I said, thank you. **

**P.S.: I noticed that Luddy needs someone, and as a secret (not really) hopeless romantic, I will be paring him up with someone. **

**Warning: This will contain pure and utter crack so, please, no flames on how this doesn't make any sense because neither does crack! You've been warn. **

* * *

><p>O…kay. Hm, I don't really know if I should be worried, confused, excited, or angry. But that's probably because none of those emotions would really make sense for this moment of weirdness. Eh, whatever, just as along as my house doesn't blow up.<p>

Jasper, yes, I'm using his actual name, slumped onto the couch with a long sigh. He raised his head over to the door remains and mumbled, "Sorry about your door."

Oh… yeah, my door, I could feel my eye twitch at the thought of cleaning it up. To think I had cleaned the floors not that long ago, too.

"Sigh, its fine, just don't do it again, aru…" I grumbled out. Jasper nodded, just as Andy asked, "Why the hell are you here, Dude?"

The sparklpire gave off another long sigh, (dammit, what's with all the sighing? It's making me sleepy!), before he finally answered both of us. "I don't know if you haven't noticed, but… my family is not normal."

Andy then, after a long moment of silence, bellowed, "We know that, we used Wikipedia!"

Jasper jumped when the house started to shake, while I took cover under the coffee table. "Brace yourselves!" I shouted, Andy still roaring on about the wonders of Wiki and how students should be allowed to use it for research papers. That, and how his Papa had helped with that, but mostly on Wiki's awesomeness.

The blonde, who was frozen from shock, suddenly shouted, "Please, stop with the bellowing, we understand!"

Slowly, but surely, Andy's booming voice finally quieted. "Heh," he laughed sheepishly, "sorry about that, I almost broke your house again." Sweat dropping, I tried to ignore the need to take away his bellowing rights until Jasper said what he need to say... don't attack me for narrating that, aru!

"Yeah, yeah, aru. But why would you show up here, it's clear that everyone in this town knows you all aren't normal?"

"… That maybe true, but most of yall are new, so yall have to be the cause!" He exclaimed, his southern draw getting thicker… interesting. Wait- do I smell chili? I want some!

"Yo, Jasp, is that chili?" Andy inquired, his green eyes wide with curiosity and.. hunger? Wait, didn't we eat not that long ago- no, wait, now I remember, we only had a little pancake and that was it…

"Uh, well, yes, another thing I wanted to talk about. You see, I can only drink blood, but I've found that now a day's I've been craving chili and other foods. Not only do they taste great but I'm also able to keep it down and not throw it back up. It's so strange." He trailed off, threading his fingers though his already messy hair.

Suddenly, he pulled a medium sized container out of thin air, along with a spoon and spices. Jasper then proceeded to open said container, revealing fresh, mouth watering, chili. I could hear Andy's stomach grumble from half way across the room. Sheet, even his stomach has a sonic boom!

Jasper looked up at the teenage boy, and asked, "Would ya like some?"

Andy's already wide eyes grew in size at the prospect. "Hell yeah," he bellowed, successfully shaking my house. I swear this thing is going to come crashing down on us if he's not careful!

Jasper split the chili and gave it to the half Britt, before chowing down on his own food.

Wait- why am I describing this to you, aru?

"Andy, aru, I think the author is having another brain fart!"

He looked up from his food, "Really?" I nodded vigorously. I hate it when the author just starts inserting random happenings that aren't really needed, aru.

Getting back to the plot, I crossed my arms and inquired, "Then what do you think you are, if you're not a sparklepire?"

"Well, I had done some research and found this one website…" he paused for a moment, "now I know this may sound fruity, but it said that I might be a State."

Andy stopped munching upon hearing this. A State, really? Well, it's more original than a vampire that sparkles in the sunlight and drinks animal blood. "Hm… well, how do you know it wasn't just some random site a fangirl posted?"

Placing his chili on the coffee table, which I was still under by the way, he pulled out a few pieces of paper and handed them to me. I read them quickly, and found it… strangely accurate. It was on how some people are personifications of States and what they were.

_-the personification is generally the embodiment of the state's stereotype. An example of this is the state Wisconsin. A cheese loving, football player with a big heart and a cow for a pet! _

Looking up, I asked, "You don't have a pet cow, right, aru?"

He shook his head in response. "I don't think I'm the personification of anything up North… maybe somewhere in the south-ish area."

"Well, what state did you live in before becoming a sparklepire?" Andy asked, still munching on the chili. Slowly, finding that it was safe, I climbed out from under the coffee table and sat down next to Jasper.

"I was from Texas… so I might be the personification of my home state." He finally concluded, a faint smile lighting his usually constipated face. Now that I think about it, his skin is not ask pale as it usually is, and the dark circle seemed to have faded too.

"Wow… that's awesome, dude!" Andy then pulled him into a bear hug, making Jasper yelp in surprise.

"Wait, has anyone else in your family been acting odd, aru?"

"Hm.. now that you mention it, my wife, Alice, has been acting out of character as of late…" He trailed off in thought, still being squished by Andy's arms. Poor guy, I don't know if he can handle the bear hugs of doom.

"How so, aru?"

"Well, she's be surprisingly generous… she gave all her clothes to the shelters about a week ago."

Andy paused for a moment before smiling widely. "Wow, that was really nice of her, dude." Jasper nodded and smiled too. I couldn't help but smile along with them. Man, Andy's smiles really are contagious, aru!

Realizing something, I asked him "So, will you be staying with the other sparklepires or…, aru?"

"I was thinking of leaving, seeing as how there really is no point to being there now that I'm not a vampire. Why do you ask?"

"Well, we're building an army of awesome to keep them away from the group. Eddy-kins has been getting really aggressive as of late, so we need to be prepared." I answered, crossing my arms.

He hesitated for a moment before mumbling, "I don't know. Lily, I've known them for years, and despite their… you know, ways, they're good people."

Andy then piped up, "Oh come on, do they have an awesome arsenal or actually act their age?"

"If by act our age you mean lay in a coffin and do absolutely nothing… meh, sort of." I knew it, aru!

Sighing, I chirped, "Alright, then, take your time to come to a decision, aru. But remember, if they come after us, we will not hesitate to let the pandas eat them and their young, aru!"

"… you do realize that vampires can't have kids?"

"Yes, I meant Femward's-"

_Crash! _

…. DAMMIT, ARU!

* * *

><p>Ludwig sighed heavily as he downed his third cup of coffee. After calling in sick, gurglingly, he and France had stopped at the local diner to grab some breakfast. Surprisingly enough, the French nation still needed food, even in his strange predicament.<p>

It had been a long night, one filled with both enlightening information as well as more questions. One, he was a nation, Germany. Two, his old partner Yao was also a nation. Three, his child was also a nation along with her half sister, Tanya. Forth…. Edward Cullen had the Country of Love in his head!

Whilst he thought over the events, and disturbing information, a pale hand slowly crept up the side of the table, startling Ludwig out of his muse.

"France!" He barked, earning a few stares from other customers and waiters. Said nation gave him a cat like grin. "Flustered, mon cher?" He quipped, making the robust man twitch.

Ludwig frowned, how could an entire nation be so- so, perverted?!

France leaned back in seat and crosses his leg, looking at the blonde with sharp eyes. "Now~ what do you think, being a nation?" He asked as he took a long sip on his tea.

Ludwig gave him a stiff shrug. "I don't really knov, I just found of not even a fev hours ago."

France chuckled loudly in response, "Oui, you did, and you took it pretty well for someone so uptight~." He almost purred "uptight", making the German man shiver.

Almost slamming his fist on the table, he growled, "Can ve get back to ze problem at hand?"

France gave a mock look of fright. "Please, don't hurt me!" He then gave Ludwig a playful wink before answering. "I'm not entirely sure, but I think that if we gather every missing nation and their children, we might be able to get back home."

Ludwig gave the theory some thought. It could work, but how exactly would they know if they had everyone that was missing?

"Hov do ve knov ve're not missing anyone?"

"Before I came here, I had a pretty good idea of who was still back in our world. For instance, the African nations were spared the horrors of having to come here."

Ludwig nodded, thankful that they had a general idea of they were looking for. Shaking his head, he turned his attention to the window that overlooked the world outside. This realization that he was never meant to be in this world was both comforting and slightly frightening, though he would never admit it.

Having Gilbert, or Prussia, for a siblings can do many things to your brain.

For one, he now finally understood what his real purpose in life was, or is anyway, but there were also the dilemmas that came with being the personification of a nation. Would he change as a person? Would he even be allowed to see his daughter and spend time with her?

France seemed to catch the slightly vague look in Ludwig's normally lively face and frowned. He hated to see the strict nation so bothered.

"What seems to be troubling you, Germany?"

"Vell… after being here for so long, vill I as a person have to change?" He asked, looking down in thought.

France placed a warm hand on Ludwig's. "You won't have to worry about that, cher. You still your ever strict and over thinking self~." The German sweat dropped but took the words with a sigh of relief. At least, besides the minor setbacks and creepy circumstances of talking to a Frenchman in the body of the sparklepire that likes to watch his only child sleep, he felt that there was a sense of hope. Wait a minute! He still needed to finish beating the tar out of Cullen for breaking into his house and watching his child sleep.

"France, once ve finish here, I need to finish taking out ze trash."

"But I though you took it out before you left?"

"Figure of speech, dumkopf."

* * *

><p>Not far from where the two countries ate, a small shadowed figure slowly emerged, stalking forward.<p>

"Better finish this, before things get too out of hand…"

* * *

><p><strong>OH MY GOD, I'M SO SORRY! I can't believe I haven't been on here since summer… man, I feel horrible ;~; thank you to those who have stuck with the story, and to those who have just started reading it ^^ your reviews have really helped me finish up this chapter. Now, I've been working on some art for the story, and so far I've got one for Lily done. If anyone has any suggestions, all you need to do is either PM me or review. Thank you all, again, I can't believe this thing is almost over… <strong>

**HAPPY PANDAS ARE PLAYING HAPPY WHEELS! **


	19. Chapter 18

**Disclaimer: I don't own Hetalia or Twilight! If I did there wouldn't be such thing as Bella Sue- I mean Swan (whoops) but Hetalia would still be the same (it's just too awesome to change.) The original idea for this story belongs to Phoenix- Fire Power so I'm not copying! **

**HK15: Herro everyone~ Thank you for reviewing, even though I was gone for months on end ;~; Stupid biology and geometry. So, I apologize for being gone so long… I hope that by not doing that in the future is enough to make up for my absence. Anyways, on a brighter note, I'm almost done with the character drawings; I just need to figure out how to draw boys. Well, I hope you enjoy the chapter; it was a lot of fun to write! **

**Warning: This will contain pure and utter crack so, please, no flames on how this doesn't make any sense because neither does crack! You've been warn. **

* * *

><p>Once the dust finally cleared, again, standing in front of a new hole in my house was none other than-<p>

"Oh! Lily, can I say who?!"

"Andy, aru, not now-"

"Please~!"

"Uh… sure, go ahead, the pandas will be pleased either way, aru~."

"It was none other than Rosalie Cullen, standing in all of her constipated gloriousness!"

Once Andy finished that narration, the sparklepire imminently locked eyes with Jasper. The glare was… just wrong, aru.

"How dare you- you traitor! How could you leave us for them?" Rosalie pointed accusingly at me and Andy, which really ticked me off. No one talks about my friends like that and gets away with it!

Jasper glared back, his now blue eyes were on fire. "I'm not the traitor here, Rose, Edward is. He's the one that exposed our secret for his own gain!" He said with what sounded like forced calmness.

"Jasper, we're your family, we've been there for you when you lost control- these stupid humans have only known you for maybe a few hours!"

"He's that one that is constantly putting us at risk for a human, so you can't say I was the one that caused all of this- and for all those times you've 'been there for me' it was all of you alienating me!"

Rosalie sighed loudly, acting as though she were talking to a child. "Jasper-"

"No, I'm done."

Her expression became hard, like someone had thrown a thing that couldn't purple at grapes. "Jasper, as you sister-"

"Adopted, and even that's questionable."

"You're acting like a child, now stop this and be normal again!"

Not enjoying the bad company, and the fact I have to clean the house _again, _I piped up, "Look here, Missy, you can't just go breaking down people's walls and crap, aru."

She shot me a icy glare. "Silence, Shorty. You don't have your gamete of freak love child friends around to-" Before she could finish the biggest 'no no' I finally snapped. Look out, because a crazy Beilischmidt is coming after you, along with the pandas that will eat your soul!

"NIEN NIEN NIEN THAT IS UNEXCEPTABLE! YOU WILL REBUILD THIS PART OF THE WALL AND GIVE THE PANDAS FREE BEER!" I swear my face looked comparable to the tomatoes Mr. Vargas noms. Blondie kept the glaring, not shaken. However, I couldn't say the same for Andy, who looked like a… hamburger?

Man, I'm making myself hunger with all this talk of food, aru!

"Hey, you're the one that broke in, now it time you took your leave." His voice was deathly calm, and quiet in comparison to his normally boisterous voice. I think he even got a small bit of an accent, which is odd considering he's lived in America all his life. Honestly, we could be gaming or doing something awesome right now, but no, she had to show up and not purple.

Rosalie scoffed at him and said, "And what are you going to do about if I don't?"

Cracking his fists, he picked up a can of soda that was set conveniently on the coffee table. He shook it and downed the can quicker than a panda on crack and donuts. There was a long moment of silence, but Andy's look of confidence screamed that something awesome was going to happen. Rosalie raised an eyebrow at his action.

Suddenly, rumbling noises started rumbling from his tummy, and they got louder and louder.

"Lily, Jasper, go upstairs." Not wanting get caught in the blast of whatever was going to happen, I grabbed Jasper by the pants and ran upstairs as fast as my shortness could carry two people. Yes, I did accidently pull them down, but just a little, aru!

Though, it seems that the house will be needing more than just the wall fixed.

Half way up the stairs, shock waves hit us like a ton of bricks, knocking us off our feet.

Meep, it's the end of the world, aru! I knew it was only a matter of time and pandas!

The shock ways kept rippling and growing in size, but they also smelt. What the, aru?

"What is this?!" Jasper yelled over the shock ways, his not as constipated as before face twisted in shock.

Shaking my head, I called back, "I don't know, aru! I don't think it was the pandas this time, aru."

"What is it with you and pandas?!"

"Cthulhu Jesus Fish, aru!"

When in doubt, or out of beer, always quote Cthulhu Jesus Fish, aru.

Just as soon as the waves started, they stopped, making my ears feel like beer jello cubes. They're not as yummy as they sound, so be warned.

Shakily, Jasper and I got to our feet and slowly made our way back to the family room, only to find it… fixed? What the flying pandas, aru?!

Andy stud where the hole used to be, facing away from us, though something told me he was grinning. Sure enough, when he heard us come back, he turned to face us, grin in place.

"Hey guys!" He cheered brightly. Jasper just stared in awe, before piping up. "What happened… where's Rosalie?"

"Oh, I'm not too sure, maybe in a Mermaid Melody fadom or something like that?" He rubbed the back of his neck as he thought of the hundreds of places the crazy lady could have ended up. Walking over to his, I climbed onto his shoulder and smiled down at him.

"Danke, Andy, you've just saved us a lot of money on fixing that wall, aru."

"Are you kidding, I did more than just that!" He quickly walked over the front of the house, showing that the front door is completely put back together. How in the pandas did he do that?

"Andy, how did you do that, aru?"

"Heh, I have more than just super strength, Little Lady~." He chuckled, making me smile. Man, his positive nature is very contagious… I love it, aru! I hugged the top of his head and nuzzled his hair, like a panda of smallness and chocolate.

Yum, chocolate, aru~.

Someone cough (not the kind of cough at the doctors) and Jasper spoke up. "Well, as… interesting as this morning has been, I need to find Alice. She needs to know about what I am and what she is as well." he pulled something out his pocket. "This is my private number. If something happens, just phone me." Andy took the paper and nodded, making me dizzy. "You bet, man."

Nodding, Jasper said his goodbyes and left, though much slower than before. Well, Jasper being a State is even more plausible than him being a fairy bug.

Hm, fairy bug, I like that new word, aru.

* * *

><p>After that, I eventually found the rest of the wrust and rice, which I kept hidden from Onkel Gil, and Andy cooked us some really awesome foods! I remember Mama had tried mixing the two together once, and it turned out pretty good. Heh, Andy's version wasn't half bad, either, though it could use a bit of beer in it… and some SOULS MUHAHAHAHHAHAHAH!<p>

Hm, cough cough, anyways, we eventually settled down for some good old fashion video games. Yes, even though we have a bunch of crazy sparklepires out for our blood, and the pandas, blowing something up just seems to fit the moment. The beer too, never forget the beer! Though, we're almost out… not good, need beer, can't go through withdraws again, aru!

"Mass Effect, except the last one's ending, is for the win!" Andy laughed loudly as his Shepard started dancing in a night club.

"Wait, can you make him do the Harlem Shake?"

"I don't know… let's test it out!" He quickly started working on making some really random dance moves.

"Heheh~ go Andy," I chirped as I watched him play from his shoulders. He was so warm, like teddy bear, only without the stuffing and creepy eyes that steal your soul- wait; I don't think I was supposed to tell you that.

I regret nothing, aru!

After a while I started to smooth his hair, kind of getting lost in the warmth and comfort of around him. Andy had this thing about him, his very presence was like… being home, and he smelt like home too. Warm noodle soups, warm wrust, warm rice, all the great things that remind me of the awesomeness that is my family. I think the rice thing was from making the wrust and rice dish but whatever.

Rice is rice, you can't live without it, aru.

As I continued my epic petting of Andy's hair, I felt him get really warm. Oh nose, did he eat the hot chili peppers again, aru?!

"Andy, did you eat chili peppers again, aru?"

"Hm, no, why do you ask?" He looked up from the game- his face was all red!

"Your face is red, too, aru!" I exclaimed as I felt his forehead, which made him even redder. Oh nose, what if he's allergic or worse, what if he's allergic and I have some power still on my sleeves?!

He laughed nervously and said, "Don't worry about it, Little Lady, I just… forgot that we left the water on!"

"Oh nose, aru!" I quickly flew backwards and off Andy's shoulders. Thankfully Tia Shan made the fall non danger some to my already scrambled egg brain. Racing out of the room and down the stairs (or more the stairs started to try and trip me… or maybe it was the other way around?!), I found most of kitchen flooded with dirty water. The faucet was still running at full speed so I looked for a way over to the counter.

Okay, the kitchen table looks stable.. ish. Better give it a go, aru!

"For the pandas, aru!" I gave my war cry as I jumped over to the table, only to find that it was floating and really unstable. It rocked from side to side, nearly sending me into the questionable water.

I don't want to get covered in the bacteria, I just cleaned this, aru!

Looking around, I found that by jumping, I had moved the table closer to the counter. Well, this just became a lot easier. Crawling over to the edge of that table, I grabbed the side of the counter and pulled the table the rest of the way.

Phew, almost fell in, aru!

Crawling the rest of the way over to the sink, I tried to turn the faucet off… problem was, it was stuck. Curse you maple syrup!

"Aiyaa, aru!" I pulled out my wok and started to use it against my newest mortal enemy, the faucet that can't even purple!

"Why won't you purple, aru?!" I growled lowly, my hatred for the faucets refusal to purple growing with each moment.

After enough hitting, the faucet finally shut off. Later we found that it was actually a plot hole that had nom nom nomed the rest of the water, and the water bill.

"… Okay, that's all fixed, aru." I smiled brightly… with creepiness, nahahahahahah!

I turned to go back to the table, only to find that it had floated away from the counters. The water had risen, too, which meant I wouldn't be able to touch the ground, even if I wanted to walk through this questionable stuffs.

"Uh, Andy, aru!"

I heard him thundered down the stairs, nearly tripping on the stairs that were tripping as he tripped. He stopped at the last step he could take, his eyes wide with surprise.

"Wow, this will be an interesting water bill." He whistled as he looked at the entire down stairs. I think even the beer would start to float eventually.

"No kidding, but I can't touch the bottom, the water is too high for my lack of leg length… and I can't swim very well, aru-." Then a thought hit me. Who hates disorder, questionable water, and not being about to purple more than me? If you guess the hobo that keeps asking for change, then no chocolate for you.

"Andy, Papa's going to kill me for this, aru! This is going to cost more than my tank to fix, aru!"

"Shh, calm down, Lil, we'll get you over here." He said calmly as he looked for a place to make his move.

"Lily, I can't see the floor, and I think there might be piranhas in there. I'm going to need you to jump over here."

"Andy, I can't jump long distance, aru. You're all the way over there, aru!" Wait, how did piranhas get in here, aru?

He paused for a moment before he extended his tan arms, "I'll catch you, I promise."

I looked down at the water before looking back at him. "Pinky swear, aru?"

He nodded and held out his pinky. "Pinky swear."

I nodded back and started to crawl back to the very most edge of the counter tops, which was still a pretty far distance from Andy. Thankfully there weren't any cupboards above the last set, so I could at least stand.

"Great, now just swing your arms to get some momentum." He instructed, keeping his eyes on mine.

I nodded and started to swing my arms, "On the count of three, aru?" Meep, better be prepared to be the first ever flying Lily, aru.

"Yeah. One," Swing, "two," Swing, "three!" I jumped, still swinging like a swinging bottle of beer, and face planted not even a few feet from Andy.

Meh, questionable water in the mouth, and I bet those piranhas can't even purple, aru!

* * *

><p>Ludwig gave a sigh of satisfaction as he drove home. France had, unwillingly, given back control to Edward, which allowed Ludwig to finish taking out the trash. It wasn't easy, but the German man had dragged him from the woods by the diner all the way to the Cullen mansion. But hey, it's either drag him and get some exercise or let his filth permanently ingrain it's self into the cruiser.<p>

Yeah, dragging creeper boys through the woods tops that.

But these events have gotten Ludwig thinking hard about being a nation. He wondered about his allies, possible friends, his boss, what his living situation would be, his connection with his child… and if he had a lover. He's been with others besides Yao, but he still wondered if he might have settled down with anyone else, or even if he was allowed to.

Lost in thought, he didn't even see the running mob of fans screaming, "You can't even purple!"

"Hm… vhat is it vith people and the color purple?" He wondered out loud. Hopefully Lily doesn't start in with that, her improper copyrighting will be the end of her one day.

However, what he did not see, was something that can't be unseen… a lama and a piranha had this relationship of fish and chips that ended in-

Ludwig slammed on the breaks as hard as he could; his toes screaming curse words at him (he really needs to get that checked out) and swerved out of the way as a man ran out in the middle of the road. The road was still slick, which sent the police cruiser flying into a ditch on the side of the road. A plot device came along side the cruiser and flipped it upside down, just to complete its daily trolling need.

The airbags deployed, smacking the German man in the face, like a pimp would slap the hoe, only without the rings of doom and cane. His head hit the ceiling of the car and jerked back down roughly, all he could hear was the sound of metal bending and scrapping against rocks and cement.

Once the cruiser finally came to a stop, he let out a pained groan. He reached out to feel for his cell phone, but realized it has been chucked somewhere else thanks to the random plot device.

"Verdammet!" He growled and moved to break the glass of the front window open. Ludwig's eye was going a twitch spree, he was sure to get fined for this, and worst of all, he just cleaned it!

Raising his foot, he slammed it down on the glass.

_Crack! _

The glass shattered into a billion pieces, some of it even getting into the authors eye from how hard it had been hit. Yeah, that hard, _hard, _like steel.

Ludwig looked at the opening in surprise, it's never shattered like that before, or at least on the very first try. Quickly, he pulled himself out of the wrecked police vehicle and slowly got to his feet. Again, another surprise, the pain wasn't even there anymore, even after hitting his head.

"Strange…" He mumbled as he flexed his hands, completely not showing off to the tour bus of glomping girls of squee-ing.

Yes, he ignored the sqees, even though he could use some help right at the moment with getting some help. Glomping girls are not something to underestimate, or give your car keys too. They might glomp the keys and scare it, making it very hesitant around new people.

But one thing first, who was that man that ran in front of him?

"Hey, you alright, hic, thereeeeee~?"

Oh God, it was a naked man!

"Heeeee~!"

And he was drunk, too. Ludwig's eye started twitching again, not another drunk person. He had enough problems with his brother and daughter, but at least they kept their clothes on… most of the time.

The drunk grave him a loop sided grin, "D'aw~ don't be that way, hic, have you seen my little Norway?"

This was one of those moments where he wanted a tank and hash stick.

* * *

><p>"Hey, Al, do you know when school will be starting up again?" Livvy asked as she looked up from her yaoi manga. The blonde boy shook his head. "Like, no, I totally don't even think we'll be starting up school again for another few chapters or something."<p>

Livvy nodded and looked down at her cell phone. Lily and the others hadn't texted or Facebooked her in a few days, which is odd considering they usually talk together over tinychat during the weekends. This spontaneous break from school has been… interesting to say the least. First, communication has come to a halt. Second, her mom has been acting… strangely more violent towards the French than usual, and muttering something about finding some named 'Mr. Austria.' Third, two new households have just moved in next door to her and Alfons.

"Well, wanna spy on people? We really don't have anything else to do."

Alfons shrugged. "Eh, I don't want to, like, ruin my manicure."

"Fine, fine, I'll keep all the yaoi to myself, then." Livvy got off her queen sized bed, stepping over Alfons, and went over to her window that faced the street. Her mom made pretty good money, though where exactly it came from, she wasn't too sure. Eh, as long as it didn't involve French people, Livvy was fine with it.

Pulling out a pair of night vision binoculars, she scanned her rather empty street, which was coated with more rain. The Hungarian could see a few moving trucks as well as a few cars parked in front of one of the nicer homes. She was in what one might call a ghetto sandwich.

Alfons looked up from his latest fashion magazine, "Like, anything happing?"

"Not really, just them moving boxes and stuff… thing is, I can only see dudes, no chicks." Suddenly, her inner fangirl started doing the dance of the purple people eater.

"Hey, Al, what do you say about becoming super spies?" A creepy smirk lit up her face.

Alfons yawned, "Whatever, can we play twister afterwards?"

"Hell yeah~" she chirped and grabbed her black hoody and ski mask. If they were going undercover, she was going all out on the spy gear.

Alfons tsked at the color choice, "Girl, too much black makes you look so un- fabulous."

"I do what I want, and I don't want to be a walking banana right at the moment." She slipped the hoody on and the mask, making sure it wasn't backwards like last time. Those poor orphans never knew what hit them.

Alfons got to his feet and pulled out a bright pink ski mask. "Well, I'm like totally going in pink. Black is way to plain for my taste."

Livvy shrugged and continued grabbing her camera gear for research (perving).

_Knock knock _

Loud knocking came from the front door. Livvy looked up in surprise, since she hadn't been expecting anyone due to her mom not being in at the moment. She grabbed her skillet and walked down stairs, rounded the corner like a boss, tripped over an old shoe, and made history as the first to survive a deadly piece of some bad oatmeal.

Getting on her tip toes, she looked out the top slits of the front door.

A tall girl with short blonde hair looked around, fidgeting lightly as she looked to and fro. The brown hair girl cocked her head to the side. Odd, she thought for sure it would be another French dude. Well, maybe this was one of those new neighbors- or even better, a girl scout! Yes, Livvy needed to refill her stash of mint and tagalongs.

Cracking the door, she peered out at the strange girl. "Uh, hello?"

The girl squeaked, "U-um, hi! My name is Eliisa, I'm your new neighbor!" She said quickly, almost sweatdropping, but why was what Livvy didn't understand.

The shorter girl opened the door a bit more, seeing this girl as little to no threat.

"Nice to meet you, my name is Elivabeta, but people just call me Livvy. Can I help you with anything?"

Eliisa's face got all flushed from what looked like frustration, or maybe even embarrassment. She mumbled under her breath something, but Livvy couldn't make it out.

"Sorry, could you please repeat that?"

"… have you seen a drunk, naked man running around here?"

Before Livvy could answer the question of her yaoi filled dreams, a wrecked police cruiser pulled up on the other side of the street. Her eyes widened, it was the chief's car!

The door suddenly busted open, a very disturbed Mr. Beilschmidt stepping out with a slightly clothed male trailing behind him.

"Mr. Beilschmidt?"

"Setä!" Eliisa ran over to him, throwing her long coat at him. He gave her a drunken smile.

"Hey~, hic, Eliisa! How's my sweet little, hic, niece~?"

She deadpanned at that. "Setä, you're drunk again, and streaking too. I just saw you not even a few hours ago."

"D'aw~ don't be that way~." He bellowed as he tried to give her a bear hug. She squeaked and dodged him.

"No, you're naked!"

Livvy turned her attention to her friend's father. "Is it okay if I knock him out?"

He gave her a stern frown. "Nein."

Livvy snapped her fingers, "Shoot, he looked like an easy target… but really, he needs some clothes, I don't want to see his tralala."

Suddenly, another cop car speed down the once quiet street and stopped dead in front of the group. A man with blonde hair and a police uniform stepped out of the vehicle and gave Ludwig a look of alarm. "Ludwig, there's something going on at your house!"

* * *

><p><strong>HK15: HOLY LDFKJASDLKFJASDLFJ I CAN'T BELIEVE I DID IT AGAIN! GRRRR, I'M SORRY FOR BEING GONE FOR MONTHS ON END, I WOULD BLAME SCHOOL BUT THIS WAS… Well, to put it bluntly, some stuff happened that took my weirdness away, and I couldn't really write this very well without it coming out forced. I hope that by making this 4,000 words worth the wait. So~ this is the first introduction to the FinSwed kid, Eliisa. **

**On another note, since this story will be ending soon, would you guys like to see more of these characters in more stories? I can write more featuring them in different series and such, since this is one of my oldest stories. If so, just leave a comment on your thoughts and ideas, or just PM me. **

**I wish you all an awesome day, and thanks for the reviews~ **

**ERMERGURD MERSH PERTERDERS! **


	20. Chapter 19

**Disclaimer: I don't own Hetalia or Twilight! If I did there wouldn't be such thing as Bella Sue- I mean Swan (whoops) but Hetalia would still be the same (it's just too awesome to change.) The original idea for this story belongs to Phoenix- Fire Power so I'm not copying! **

**Warning: This will contain pure and utter crack so, please, no flames on how this doesn't make any sense because neither does crack! You've been warn.**

* * *

><p>I shot out of the water like a bullet, water in eyes and all. I had hit the stairs that were submerged in the water, and it freaking hurt like an arrow to the knee!<p>

Ew, and the water tasted like defeat, aru!

Andy quickly wadded into the questionable water of questionable-ness and scooped me up. I spat out water and shook my head.

"Are you alright?"

Rubbing my eyes, I responded, "Y-yeah, just hit the stairs… and this water tastes like defeat, aru."

He breathed a sigh of relief and wadded us out of the water. Wait, why did the water get really warm, aru?

Before I could ask if one of the piranhas, that can't even purple, had an accident again when the phone started ringing from upstairs. Andy perched me on his shoulder and speed up the stairs, who were still trying to trip him as he was tripping up them.

How does that work again, aru?

Once we reached the small hallway, I snatched the phone and answered. "Hallo-"

"Lily Beilischmidt!" Oh nose, it was Papa, and he's mad, what happened this time?! Please don't tell me he found out about the house getting flooded!

"H-hey Papa-"

"Don't 'hey Papa', me, young lady! You flooded ze entire house- and made a hole in ze side of it!" I had to hold the phone away from my ear, least I lose my hearing from how loud he was yelling. I don't wanna be deaf, I can't language the deaf!

Pandas, why, aru?!

Andy then piped up, "Don't worry about the hole, I fixed that!"

… And then my mind went to the yaoi. Curse you holes and your needing to be filled, aru.

There was a moment of silence on the other end, which screamed doom, when Papa finally uttered, "And you have a boy there… by yourselves?!"

My eye twitched, and not in a panda like way of awesome. "Papa, we're not eating M and Ms, aru."

"… Vhat?"

"You know, like how you and Mama used to, aru. But really, I don't understand why chains and ball gags had to be involved, how can you eat them then, aru?"

I could hear him face palm on the other end.

"Zat's not important right at the moment-"

The phone started shuffling around and someone I didn't recognize started talking. "Yo, can you pass the phone to my son, dudette?"

"Uh, sure, aru." I turned and held the phone out to Andy.

"I think it's your Papa, aru."

Andy's face became as pale as a sheet, that's not covered in blood, and put the phone to his ear. Whatever was being said was making him stutter a lot, and his face was really red too. I wonder if he got sick from the questionable water of questionable-ness, or his Papa brought up something about the yaoi.

I regret nothing, aru!

When Andy finally hung up, I asked him what was wrong and if he was sick.

"H-heh, don't worry about it, Little Lady, my dad was just saying he would come over and help fix this." He rubbed the back of his neck nervously and put me down. I looked at him in puzzlement, since my puzzles that were hidden under the couch are now destroyed.

"Well, your dad will be over in a few minutes, so-"

"What, aru?!" Nose, I don't want to get in trouble, aru!

In a panic, I grabbed Andy by the collar of his shirt and squeaked, "Andy, you haven't seen him when he's really, _really, _mad, aru. He'll punch a duck and feel no remorse, aru!"

Of all times we really needed the pandas from the big bamboo forest up in the sky, aru!

"Lily, I'm sure he's not that bad, but why would he punch a duck?" He asked, out of concern for the baby ducks that live in the woods of Mirkwood.

"It's the ducks or the pandas, either way it's not good, aru."

He gave me an odd look before he put the phone away. "Well, might as well wait up here until help comes."

I nodded my head in defeat, the taste of the questionable water finally zapping my awesomeness, and plopped down in the middle of the hallway. Andy sat next to me and poked my head. "Hey, it'll be alright, Little Lady, I promise." He smiled at me encouragingly, which I returned. Heh, his smiles are always contagious.

"Okay, I trust you, aru." His green eyes brightened and he pulled at my flower clips. Meep, that tickles!

"Andy that tickles, aru!" I giggled out as I swatted at his hand. A smirk crawled its way on his face as he poked me in the side. I squeaked, in a totally manly way, and rapped my arms around my sides.

"Andy, stahhp, aru-" He poked me again and started tickling me. Ergurd, stahhp with the tickles, Andy!

I giggled and squeaked, my tummy busting with laughter.

"Heh, what's that, I can't hear you~." He cooed with the freaking smirk. I mocked glared at him, but it didn't hold much ground with all the giggles.

"Shad- heheh- up, aru!"

He chuckled and picked me up. Wait a minute, his eyes are… off. They're not as carefree as they usually are, there's something different about them.

Andy stared back at me, the smirk now gone and replaced with a surprisingly serious look. What the, what happened to him? Did the questionable water turn him into a- a non ADHD person of interest?

"Andy, aru?" I poked him in the chest. He didn't smile like he normally would, not even cracking one his lopsided grins.

He leaned against the wall of the hall and set me down in his lap. I felt a really weird sensation in my tummy, like it was going to explode with feels and pandas. I should probably get that looked at, but still, what in the pandas that can purple?

I squeaked, in a totally manly way, and looked at him wide eyed. He reached out and cupped my chin, looking me in the eye. My face started to heat up in embarrassment from him looking at me that… way. For once, looking at those green eyes was surprisingly unnerving.

"Lily…" Wait, since when was his face that close? No, it's getting closer!

Meh, I don't know what to freaking do, aru!

I was pretty much frozen, either because I was nervous or because I didn't want to move (or my body is retarded.) I just kept staring, and soon his eyes became half lidded as he stared back. I gulped, which made him grin a little.

"There's no need to be nervous," he held my hands with his free one, "just breathe."

I gave him a look, but took a deep breath through my nose.

Slowly, he started to close the distance, my eyes starting to become half lidded as well. I could feel his warm breath on my lips; almost tasting the chili he had eaten earlier. It was-

_Bam! _

… TROLL!

* * *

><p>Angelo sat in the waiting room for what felt like hours. He sniffled and whipped his eyes with his tear stained sleeves, a few whimpers escaping his puffy lips.<p>

A pale haired teen walked through the doors and spotted him almost imminently.

"Anggie!"

Angelo looked up at the pet name, quickly whipping his eyes. Fritz sprinted over to the other boy; his normally smirking face was laced with worry.

"Are you okay? What happened?" He asked in a rush, holding the young blonde's hands. Angelo gave him a watery smile.

"V-ve, nothing, everything is alright." He tried clearing his throat, but it ended up making his voice crack.

Fritz shuttered a bit at that. It was odd seeing such a happy person so broke, but what had happened?

"Nien, it's not if you're crying," he placed one of his hands on Angelo's thigh in a comforting way. "Come on; tell my awesome what's that matter, I'll make it better."

Angelo hiccupped before uttering, "Papa is really sick, we don't think he's ever going to wake up."

Fritz eyes widened at that and quickly pulled the young Italian into a hug. He very rarely showed this type of affection to anyone, not even family, but to see his friend like this really struck a chord. He rubbed soothing circling into the other's back, trying to comfort him the best he could.

"… I'm sorry, Anggie, I really am." He finally said after a moment of silence. Angelo nodded into his shoulder, his cries finally dulled for crying so much earlier. He knew his mama was devastated, and to top it all off, he has a little bambino coming soon.

It wasn't fair, why did this have to happen to them, they weren't bad people!

While Fritz was lulling the blonde with comforting words, one of the doctors had entered the waiting room. He walked up behind the two boys; his inner disgust was showing, but just a little.

"Angelo Weilschmidt?" He asked. Fritz looked up from the younger boy and frowned at him.

"Look here, man of unawesome, can you give him a bit of time to collect himself?"

The doctor looked familiar to the albino, something about him just screamed run and grab your stakes. Said doctor frowned in return.

"I need to know if he had a ride home, his… mother won't leave, and I believe you both have school tomorrow." The doctor's voice was stiff. Fritz, at that moment, had an idea who it was.

His gaze turning icy, Fritz grounded out, "My awesome will be taking him home." He imminently tightened his hold on Angelo's hand and dragged him out of the waiting room.

The doctor stared after them, his disgust finally starting to show once they had left.

So they were the ones… interesting.

* * *

><p>"Yo, unawesome cousin of mine-"<p>

Wait, was that Fritz, aru?

Forgetting the really awkward position I was in, and who it was with, I looked down the stair way to find that the water had completely flowed out… and onto my cousin. Sheesh, now he too shall taste the water of defeat.

From what I could see, Fritz was now flat on his back, with a look of defeat.

Yep, it finally got to him, aru.

Suddenly, a blonde head of hair poked its way into sight. "Lily?"

"Angelo, is that you, aru?" Wow, we haven't seen him since we last ate at his family's restaurant- wait, has he been crying?

He disappeared from view and reappeared with a very wet Fritz in toe. He looked at me and Andy with confusion. "Lily, why are you sitting in Andy's lap?"

Oh damn, freaking reality strikes again, aru!

My face heated and I practically flew backwards, thankfully out of my friend's lap. Fritz gave Andy a dark look, which the blonde returned with one of challenge. What the, I thought those two liked each other… _in the most heterosexual way~ _

No, Lily, this is not the time for dreaming about Bromance! You can ship them later, the crack pairings are never that far away.

"So, what exactly is going on here, Lils? My awesome wants to know."

"Uh, you see… remember Captain Constipated from school?"

Fritz and Angelo nodded.

"Well, we found out he's really not a sparklepire, but actually of the States, aru." I fiddled with the end of my shirt, still embarrassed from… that, or whatever that was. I could still feel Andy's eyes on me, which is odd since I should be used to it… right?

God, I'm so confused, aru.

Fritz raised an eye brow, not quiet understanding what that had to do with anything, while Angelo piped up, "Does that mean he's on our side?" I think he might be a bit excited. Good for him, I'm glad he doesn't mind the possible new addition to the Group of Awesome, even if he did try to kill us on a few occasions.

Andy smiled at our hyper friend and nodded, "Hopefully, the dude still needs to talk to his wife before he completely decides."

I shuffled awkwardly and nodded in agreement, my face still a bit warm. Fritz noticed this, surprisingly.

"One question to you not as awesome as me people, why was the house flooded? And also, why did the water taste of defeat?"

I sweat dropped at our epic fail, while Andy rubbed the back of his neck. "Heh, we kinda got side tracked with video games and forgot the faucet on in the kitchen, aru."

"I see… than why where you in his lap?" His eyes became a dangerous red of danger and terror. Oh nose, nice going, Lily.

"… poking match of death, aru."

Before Fitz could see past the bullshit, another person of interest entered the plot. Problem was, it was Papa.

"Lily Beilschmidt!" He roared at the top of his lungs, already seeing the floors still covered in questionable water. Angelo squeaked loudly and practically jumped into Fritz arms- oh~ so cute! My shipping of them will never be quenched!

Andy flinched at the yelling as Papa marched up the stairs, his face red and a look of rage clear on his face… or redness.

I ducked my head. "H-hey, Papa, aru." I could hear Andy gulp loudly, and it wasn't on a slurpy, and said nervously.

"Hi, Mr. Beilschmidt."

Papa's head snapped in Andy's direction. "You-"

Before Papa could explode with anger and ponies, a loud set of thundering feet thundered their way up the stairs. A very familiar head of blonde hair came into view; only the face was equipped with a pair of glasses and blue eyes.

"Hey, captain, we've got a problem!"

Andy's eyes lit up. "Dad!"

Wow, that's Andy's papa, aru! I now see where he gets the personality and all around American- ness from.

Andy's father turned to us, who were still squished in the hall.

Meh, this thing is only so big, aru!

"Andy- oh, is this the girl you were talking about? Cool, little dude, she reminds me of those girls from Final Fantasy or something." He grinned cheekily, while Andy's face lit up like a red hot tomato of redness.

Papa kept his scowl and nudge Andy's Papa. "Vhat is it, Jones?"

"Well, those creepy dudes living in the woods are starting to come into town. I think they're looking for the kids and their friends, which is totally uncool."

Papa nodded and looked at us for a moment before speaking.

"Alright, all of you, ve'll meet at Mr. Jones' house until ve can devise a way to handle this."

Normally I would have asked if we could use the pandas of doom to destroy them, but Papa wasn't in the mood for my talk of pandas. Meh, I hate making him angry, aru.

We all filled down the stairs, almost slipping from them still being soaked, and outside. Fritz and Angelo got into the police cruiser while Papa took the tank.

"You'll be going vith Mr. Jones and your cousin… and the boy."

"Okay, Papa, aru." I mumbled back and got in. Once everyone was loaded, Mr. Jones started up the cruiser and started to back up. Once we were out of the drive way, Papa followed in suit. As we drove away from the old house, I started thinking. Something in my gut told me something bad was going to happen. Call it ESP or PMS (though it's mostly the PMS), all I know is that it wasn't going to end well…

* * *

><p>IN A MAGICAL LAND FAR, FAR AWAY- Nah, just kidding. Ahem. In the forest, not far from out weird protagonist, the Cullens, or what's left of them, were prowling around like a gang of wolves, which is odd since they're sworn enemies. Edward was in better shape, but you could tell he had seen better days. The smell of animal droppings still wouldn't come off, not even Rosalie's girly shampoo could hide the horrible smell.<p>

He wrinkled his nose, God how he hated it.

As he angst about how miserable his already miserable life was, Carlisle lead the family to the one house he dreaded visiting. The Beilschmidt house held very few good memories for him, which is saying something because, like, he's just that good of a veggie vampire person… thing?

He looked over to his son, Edward, who was off angsting about something, possible the Beilschmidt girl. Oh how he wished his son had some balls and just let her go. If he had, then they wouldn't be walking through the woods trying to spy on them, and two of their family members wouldn't have disappeared without a trace.

Sigh, the life of a vampire was soooo hard and sad, too. How can't you feel the feelz for this group of lonely vampires that only want to drink their mountain lions in peace?

Edward look to Carlisle and frowned, or more, frowned deeper than usual, which is saying something. For once, the most of compassionate of veggie mongers frowned back at his creation. You would think getting the tar beaten out of you would teach you a lesson about boundaries, well, not this guy. Yep, he's a real keeper.

"Carlisle," the strain in his voice was… strained, "she just needs to get away from those ruffians, and then she'll understand us."

The elder vampire shook his head, both in disappointment and slight constipation. He thought he had taught his son to be better than this, but apparently all the venom had gone to his head, and not in a good way.

Upon hearing this thought from his foster father, Edward gritted his teeth. "The venom is not going to my head!"

"Son, this is not the time to be acting this way-"

Suddenly, the air was wafted with an overly sweet smell, almost the equivalent of humming bird food. Rosalie and Emmet eminently stopped their prowling, along with Esme, as they zoomed over to their other kin.

"Humans," Rosalie breathed, "it's not the Beilschmidt girl."

"Yeah, I don't hear random shouts of pandas and that crap." Emmet continued, looking around with a predatorily glare.

The clan crouched amongst the brush and held their place.

As the smell became stronger, they could vaguely hear the soft humming of an old tune.

"Everyone will become one with Mother Russia~."

This was the beginning of the end for Edward Cullen, as he has just entered Soviet Russia, where car dives you.

* * *

><p><strong>FINALLY IT'S DONE! Heh, hopefully you don't mind the "In Soviet Russia" joke, those never get old ^u^ Heh, the lols with Lily and Andy _ ' awkward lap sitting mode activate! Oh, and what did you guys think of the little bit of second gen ItaPru? It's a secrete ship I have (NOT THAT I DON'T ALREADY HAVE A MILLION AND LAKDJFLAKJASKJFLKSDJ) **

**Anyways, I hope you've all had a great Spring Break; I really want to thank those who have stuck with this for so long. **

**Oh! I've finally uploaded some of the character pictures to my deviantArt, I'll link it on my profile for those who wanna check them out. **

**Have a wonderful day everyone! **

**I DIE EACH NIGHT~ CLOUD LOOKS AWAY~**


End file.
